Quickly now.

I need your support more than ever. Please.

I have been binging my face off. I don't know what my deal is. I can think about "why" all I want, but it changes nothing. I am uncomfortably full right now. It is 6:30 in the morning. I am still full from last night. I hate that! Because in a few hours (@work) I will feel the beginnings of hunger. But you know I will not indulge.

I am so beyond disgusted with myself and my body right now. I was doing so good!!!
It seems like we are all struggling right now and I am sad that the new year has so far not brought me strength. I fucking need it.

I have to work at 7:15. Sigh. I do not want to go. I have barely slept at all. I have to train someone too, some girl. My only hope is that she is thin. I need all the thinspo I can get.

I am starting a fast. I have to. I have no choice here. Please please leave support, readers, I am not doing so well : (

Think thin lovelies...

xo~Sar

Poof & disappear.

It's all so complex now.
I am at my parent's house and just binged on: (2)pieces of toast with I can't believe it's not butter spread. 2 nature valley crunchy granola bars (1 package). a couple pieces of chocolate. Earlier? doritos. Whatta pig. Kill me. Please.
I can't do anything right. I am at battle with the queen bee, that bitch, fuck you mia.

I am so fucking fat and not fit and a failure and a freak and fuck you Sar die die die.

T. is out of reach, I feel.
I am having weird pains throughout my body.
I am a bad influence on everyone around me.
I can't control anything, let alone myself.
I can't even be around food without wanting it when I feel like this.

((Like.This.))

hatehatehatehatehatehatefatfatfatfatfatfatfatfatfat

I went shopping with my mom today, for clothes. OH GOD. Size 9 fucking skinny jeans KILL ME NOW. They fit comfortably. 7 was tight and I was feeling full and not prepared to buy them. I fucking should have. Talk about a reason to lose. B/c obvious my current reasons AREN'T FUCKING WORKING!!!!!!

It is 2:10 am. I am leaving my parent's house to go smoke pot with a friend. I need a cigarette so bad. Can't wait to light one up.

Peace, everyone. Hope you're doing better than me.

Think thin.

Happy? Thanksgiving...

Yesterday. All my troubles seemed so far away.
Yesterday, I binged on fresh whole wheat bread.

WAKE UP!?! Bread is bad. Carbs are bad. Today I am FAT. Perfect.

There goes any hope for enjoying food today. So I am fasting. Fuck it. No food, nothing, SERIOUSLY NOTHING until later on when I sit down at dinner. Salad first, a big one, NO EXCEPTIONS. No dressing. My mom has salsa in the fridge I'm sure, so I will use a teaspoon of that to liven things up.
No dinner roll. NO butter on mashed potatoes. Luckily I use my vegetarianism as an excuse to skip turkey, gravy, & stuffing. 1 slice of pumpkin pie with no whipped cream.

These are my rules for today. Small but worthwhile rules I can embrace.

I am so out of control. I guess I was just missing T. last night. I went to the store (to buy cat litter!!) and left with the bread ... dumb.

Come on, Sar. Where did your wonderful will power go?
It is on its way back. I will not fail. Today will be a success, in my terms.

Ughhhhh I am so bloated : (
Whyy did I even go there? What happened? I don't get it. It didn't even SINK IN until I woke up and checked the mirror, as usual. Ohgod. Help.

The only way I can make this positive is by SUCCEEDING today. I HAVE to. I HAVE to use this fuck up as fuel to my fire.

Hope you all enjoy the holiday. Xo

STAY STRONG!!!!!!!!

*Think Thin*