Happy Halloween

I just can't say no to the blow...last night C. and I had a fight of epic proportions (after I had three glasses of wine - cue the emotional release) and I ended up at my neighbor's house until 2AM, drinking more, smoking pot, and blowing lines. Classy.

Today, understandably, I've been tired and out of it. I did not sleep well last night and I've been hungry all day because I restricted hardcore yesterday. Today's damage: soup, an apple, tortilla chips and salsa, pizza bites, and a soft pretzel bites dipped in ranch. So about 1300 calories all together. I'm gross, I'm aware. I couldn't be bothered to throw it up either, sometimes keeping it in is punishment enough.

It is now after five on Halloween and I just made coffee. Yes, I'm dressing up and going out because why not? I do love this holiday. I've borrowed my friend's blue wig and I'm going to be Katy Perry. LoL. It's really just an excuse to wear a wig, love them! Plus a dress and some glitter, whatever.

Why were C. and I fighting you ask? Well to be brief, he and I have been friends since college. This year we have grown extremely close, we said I love you and declared ourselves best friends. Then after hooking up for like the tenth time everything changed. We haven't hung out in two weeks. Every text or phone call has been a fight. At this point the only thing we can agree on is to end the friendship. Of course it feels like the end of a relationship and as per usual, my heart is broken. Sucks, man.

The job search continues. I have applied so many places I can't keep track. I've been on a few interviews and have a couple more next week. No job offers yet but I'm getting closer... Keep your fingers crossed something comes soon. I'd like money to be flowing in again. I wouldn't mind the routine of a job and meeting new people as well. I need to keep myself busy so I don't get into trouble.

I'm not dressed yet (not even showered yet actually) otherwise I'd show you a pic of my costume. Maybe tomorrow. I'm not eating anything the rest of the day. I'll get the rest of my calories from alcohol.

Are you doing anything for Halloween?

Peace,
XO
Sar

Let the madness begin

My coffee's gone cold and I'm paralyzed in my chair. 

It's Friday, and I've got an event-packed weekend at my fingertips.

Tonight: Leave work three hours early. Get all dolled up. Go to see band at bar. Lead singer of band is J., a guy I messed around with six months ago. We haven't seen each other since and this is the first time in awhile that his band is playing here again. He is the one who got rough with me...my fantasy. I have a scar on my arm from our last night together. A literal scar. From being pushed into the wall or washing machine, who can remember?

Tomorrow: Big Halloween Party. C. is coming, even though I blew him off last weekend. I am wearing a slutty/sexy costume. It's tight and revealing, so I've been eating less the past few days. As for C.,  well, I don't know. I wish I didn't invite him but maybe we'll have a good time.

Boys boys boys! My days and nights are filled with them!

At work, J. and I have been talking more and more. We exchange fleeting longing stares. He is beyond sexy. It makes work kind of fun and reckless. This could go on for awhile.

***

Time to get ready. I only have to work for five hours today! The sooner I get there, the sooner I leave :) 

Think super-thin today. Say NO to dessert and second helpings. Not worth it.

Being thin and gorgeous will get you places, and as much as I'd like to deny that in favor of equal rights, I can't. 

It's a fact. Be thin. Think thin. Stay strong.

Be amazing.

***

XO

~Sar

Halloweeen.

Happy Halloween to those who celebrate it!!
What is your costume? (If you even dress up). I dress up because I am a child at heart when it comes to Halloween..always have loved Autumn in the East, the crunching of the leaves below, the cool crisp bite of air in my ears, getting free candy, etc. Therefore each year I must do something!

I am leaving to go shopping shortly for (basically all of) my costume.
The only thing I bought is fishnet stockings. What am I dressing up as tonight?
A sexy witch. Heh. How cliche of me. But I will be seeing T. and want to look cute, might as well say I am being "sexy"..ya know. Just to get the word out there. I hope hope hope we kiss tonight!

Anyways. Just a quick post to remind myself (and YOU) to stay strong today!

Think thin!

<3