Holy shit you guys. I've surpassed my UGW of 130.
People keep commenting on my weight. My boyfriend is like, "you've lost so much weight". A patient at work today asked what I eat and said "you look great, keep doing what you're doing". I keep hearing it. Do I see it?
Honestly I haven't even been trying. I just can't eat. I won't binge ever again. Starving myself has become a way of living, ingrained into my routine.
Cigarettes, lots of sex, rarely eating, lots of stress, and the weight falls off. Yes, I am tired, and cold, dizzy, and forgetful, and just generally out of it.
I am 127 pounds and 5 foot 8 inches tall. My BMI is 19.3 and the underweight cutoff is 18.5 and how the hell am I borderline underweight?? I was soo thin growing up and it's starting to feel like this is just my natural body type.
Which brings me to my next thought...what should my new ultimate goal weight be? It was always 130, so now I'll say 120 which will make my BMI 18.2. Not bad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm moving this weekend. I just had a shower beer. Sleep soon.
Take care, loves.
xx
~Sar
well hello
Showing posts with label thin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thin. Show all posts
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Skinnies in the classroom
I'm fat today. Everyday. Some days it is more noticeable than others. Some days I eat until I can't stop. That is the case for this afternoon.
I started the day off restricting, obviously. I paused after class, to tell my professor how moved I felt from the subject matter. At first I had to look away and speak real slow so I wouldn't sob. It was embarrassing. But I am truly amazed at how far women have come and how far we still have to go in terms of civil rights and equality, especially in the work place. I really am fascinated with what we've been learning about, basically it's just American history; we're studying the Cold War Era specifically. I can't believe the reaction it evokes in me ... it's powerful. I couldn't zone out if I tried. My ears strain to hear every word spoken by the others in the room. My heart and mind race as I try to take it all in while simultaneously plotting and planning for a better future America.
Anyway. It led me to a binge. I got all worked up and wanted to eat I guess. No, scratch that. I didn't want to eat. I wanted to fill up the emptiness. It really grows and makes itself felt when I get to thinking about stuff that really matters. I feel so alone in my self. I feel solitary in my thoughts. I feel this strange sense of disconnect. I feel like I'm driving in the dark, lost, through dense woods and curved roads, blindfolded and speeding. It's scary.
My stomach hurts. Here's what I bought and ate this afternoon after school. Bag of Soy Crisps [410], pint of ice cream (I threw about 2/3 cup away) [665], Starburst [120], Hummus & Pretzel Pack [250].
All gobbled down in about an hour, maybe less. Sick ...
The plan? Water. Read. Sleep.
Class tomorrow and maybe a counseling appointment. I say maybe because I forgot. I am slightly losing it but still holding on. Tomorrow will be better.
There is nothing worse right now than this fat feeling. How do the fatties do it? Don't they constantly notice this ... pressure and pretense and such? It sickens me, to feel this full. Off junk. I need to get over this compulsive binging. It's really quite gross and I don't want to be like those people who eat and eat all day everyday. I'm not one of those people. I was thriving on 280 calories from 6 this morning until about 5:30 in the afternoon. I enjoy restriction, it's good for me.
So I'l continue going as long as possible without eating. If I eat, I eat. All this eating does is piss me off and make my brain feel worse. I talk the shit about myself inside my head, only when I eat though. When I'm not eating I'm fine. Well, better than this.
Think thin please. Be thinspo. We all need it.
There are definitely some thin girls in my classes. I love it. I can't help but stare sometimes. Is that creepy? Please tell me you do it too. It's thinspiration and I won't be stopping. I mean I'm not obvious, unless maybe they know they are super thin and are used to the second looks. Whatevs, I do what I want.
Take care. Peace. Love.
I started the day off restricting, obviously. I paused after class, to tell my professor how moved I felt from the subject matter. At first I had to look away and speak real slow so I wouldn't sob. It was embarrassing. But I am truly amazed at how far women have come and how far we still have to go in terms of civil rights and equality, especially in the work place. I really am fascinated with what we've been learning about, basically it's just American history; we're studying the Cold War Era specifically. I can't believe the reaction it evokes in me ... it's powerful. I couldn't zone out if I tried. My ears strain to hear every word spoken by the others in the room. My heart and mind race as I try to take it all in while simultaneously plotting and planning for a better future America.
Anyway. It led me to a binge. I got all worked up and wanted to eat I guess. No, scratch that. I didn't want to eat. I wanted to fill up the emptiness. It really grows and makes itself felt when I get to thinking about stuff that really matters. I feel so alone in my self. I feel solitary in my thoughts. I feel this strange sense of disconnect. I feel like I'm driving in the dark, lost, through dense woods and curved roads, blindfolded and speeding. It's scary.
My stomach hurts. Here's what I bought and ate this afternoon after school. Bag of Soy Crisps [410], pint of ice cream (I threw about 2/3 cup away) [665], Starburst [120], Hummus & Pretzel Pack [250].
All gobbled down in about an hour, maybe less. Sick ...
The plan? Water. Read. Sleep.
Class tomorrow and maybe a counseling appointment. I say maybe because I forgot. I am slightly losing it but still holding on. Tomorrow will be better.
There is nothing worse right now than this fat feeling. How do the fatties do it? Don't they constantly notice this ... pressure and pretense and such? It sickens me, to feel this full. Off junk. I need to get over this compulsive binging. It's really quite gross and I don't want to be like those people who eat and eat all day everyday. I'm not one of those people. I was thriving on 280 calories from 6 this morning until about 5:30 in the afternoon. I enjoy restriction, it's good for me.
So I'l continue going as long as possible without eating. If I eat, I eat. All this eating does is piss me off and make my brain feel worse. I talk the shit about myself inside my head, only when I eat though. When I'm not eating I'm fine. Well, better than this.
Think thin please. Be thinspo. We all need it.
There are definitely some thin girls in my classes. I love it. I can't help but stare sometimes. Is that creepy? Please tell me you do it too. It's thinspiration and I won't be stopping. I mean I'm not obvious, unless maybe they know they are super thin and are used to the second looks. Whatevs, I do what I want.
Take care. Peace. Love.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Ana's getting to me.
What a week. T. & I. Wow. WOw.!!! ohgod, our hooking up reaches a new level every time. My body feels numb. We were together for 8 hours this evening. 8 fucking hours. He is super sexy and he turns me on...we haven't had sex though. Not even close, really. But it's like, something to look forward to.
I can wait. I am still having CRAZY body issues. I look at myself and see fat. fat. fat. flab. flab. fat.
Ok, that is out of my system. Now a more realistic point of view: I have been restricting and it shows. I have still been eating. Not as many carbs, way less sugar..etc. I have no idea what I weigh and it is driving me nuts. Is there somewhere I can just go and weigh myself, preferably confidentially? A gym, perhaps. Lol, I wouldn't know -I never work out. I do live on the 4th floor, and get quite a bit of stair climbing in, especially during laundry. I park far away, so I can walk a few extra steps.
That is it, really. I stretch a lot. I suck in my stomach constantly, I think that tightens it? Maybe.
My thoughts are all over the place. I just want to be thinner and sexier. Tonight T. & I were laying topless in his bed, just kissing and hugging, and it was wonderful because he would grab my waist with the crook of his arm, like in his elbow, and kind of pull me closer to him. I think he liked my (do I dare say) small frame next to his larger one. Ohgod. He is so hott. My point is, guys like to feel bones. I believe it to be true, anyways. Sure they love curves too, but every single experience I've had with guys tells me they like skinny chics.
Fiona Apple - "Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love."
I relate! to that^
When in doubt just lose a few pounds.
My motto.
Think thin.
Stay STRONG! against evil, fattening food.
<3 to you all.
I can wait. I am still having CRAZY body issues. I look at myself and see fat. fat. fat. flab. flab. fat.
Ok, that is out of my system. Now a more realistic point of view: I have been restricting and it shows. I have still been eating. Not as many carbs, way less sugar..etc. I have no idea what I weigh and it is driving me nuts. Is there somewhere I can just go and weigh myself, preferably confidentially? A gym, perhaps. Lol, I wouldn't know -I never work out. I do live on the 4th floor, and get quite a bit of stair climbing in, especially during laundry. I park far away, so I can walk a few extra steps.
That is it, really. I stretch a lot. I suck in my stomach constantly, I think that tightens it? Maybe.
My thoughts are all over the place. I just want to be thinner and sexier. Tonight T. & I were laying topless in his bed, just kissing and hugging, and it was wonderful because he would grab my waist with the crook of his arm, like in his elbow, and kind of pull me closer to him. I think he liked my (do I dare say) small frame next to his larger one. Ohgod. He is so hott. My point is, guys like to feel bones. I believe it to be true, anyways. Sure they love curves too, but every single experience I've had with guys tells me they like skinny chics.
Fiona Apple - "Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love."
I relate! to that^
When in doubt just lose a few pounds.
My motto.
Think thin.
Stay STRONG! against evil, fattening food.
<3 to you all.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Like the Wind.
430-something "facebook friends" but no best and none to talk to, ever. Today has been weird. This last week has been just insane. Next week should follow suit. I keep getting ripped off on good weed, which is pissing me off. I have a pimple, my period, and NO refill to Zoloft. Sigh. So I am kind of a hot mess. Speaking of which, I need to pop some Midol to continue to reduce this annual bloat.
Ugh I have no motivation to do anything today. I peaked mid-week, I got shit done. Now I am gross and lazy and I have to go to work in an hour. I don't even know what to do with myself. I sit in front of the computer out of PURE HABIT. It's like I traded smoking cigs for scanning a screen of useless information.
Sometimes I just hate myself.
I went home this week, that was interesting. I paid over $300 to get my car fixed last friday and it still sounds like shit. Where is the good? I need to find some silver linings, ok, I finished a book I started over the summer, called, (appropriately) The Summer I Dared. It was great, kind of slow at first, which is why it took me so long to read it. But upon finishing it last night and reflecting a tad, I really enjoyed it and probably could have learned a lesson from it had I finished it in a normal time.
Well I like stretching things out, making them last. Just not food, unfortunately.
I haven't ate yet, just a banana. It is 6 in the evening, so much time for failure still. But that is what sleeping all day does for you. I like to sleep uninterrupted. Since getting this cat a couple months ago I have learned that sleep is a precious thing. I can't sleep unless he is sleeping. LITERALLY...
I need to take/post measurements soon, I know I had them on here over the summer, so expect that (I care more than you haha).
Still no action, no sex, no kissing. A little flirting. There is one guy that is fuckable to me. He is 5 years older than me. He is superhot. But an Aries, and I am a Virgo. And I don't think he has a home, a paying job, or a cell phone. Maybe he does, I don't know anything about him other than some random emails. Well he has computer access haha a plus. I love the internet! Amazing what it is, compared to when I was much younger. Our first family computer was sloowww, and ancient. And I hated dial up!
Well strolling down memory lane just know got my mood lifted from where it was before. Thanks Blogger. Peace Out, Think Thin.
I'm going to work high. YeS/wish me LuCk. I do still need to prioritze. But I know what gets me through the day. ;)
Ugh I have no motivation to do anything today. I peaked mid-week, I got shit done. Now I am gross and lazy and I have to go to work in an hour. I don't even know what to do with myself. I sit in front of the computer out of PURE HABIT. It's like I traded smoking cigs for scanning a screen of useless information.
Sometimes I just hate myself.
I went home this week, that was interesting. I paid over $300 to get my car fixed last friday and it still sounds like shit. Where is the good? I need to find some silver linings, ok, I finished a book I started over the summer, called, (appropriately) The Summer I Dared. It was great, kind of slow at first, which is why it took me so long to read it. But upon finishing it last night and reflecting a tad, I really enjoyed it and probably could have learned a lesson from it had I finished it in a normal time.
Well I like stretching things out, making them last. Just not food, unfortunately.
I haven't ate yet, just a banana. It is 6 in the evening, so much time for failure still. But that is what sleeping all day does for you. I like to sleep uninterrupted. Since getting this cat a couple months ago I have learned that sleep is a precious thing. I can't sleep unless he is sleeping. LITERALLY...
I need to take/post measurements soon, I know I had them on here over the summer, so expect that (I care more than you haha).
Still no action, no sex, no kissing. A little flirting. There is one guy that is fuckable to me. He is 5 years older than me. He is superhot. But an Aries, and I am a Virgo. And I don't think he has a home, a paying job, or a cell phone. Maybe he does, I don't know anything about him other than some random emails. Well he has computer access haha a plus. I love the internet! Amazing what it is, compared to when I was much younger. Our first family computer was sloowww, and ancient. And I hated dial up!
Well strolling down memory lane just know got my mood lifted from where it was before. Thanks Blogger. Peace Out, Think Thin.
I'm going to work high. YeS/wish me LuCk. I do still need to prioritze. But I know what gets me through the day. ;)
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Think thin.
Granola..it is so good!! But so fattening : ( Why are the good things in life usually terrible for you? I mean, it could be worse, and it is: I am a candy freak, it's true. I love candy/chocolate. There, I admit it. So where do I go from here? I think about it constantly, especially at work. Ugh, I am thinking about all of this because I am headed to work in an hour. Last time I was there I bought a donut, and Good-n-Plenty. Omg! Why is everyday a binge? Can I please work today without craving sweets hardcore?? Can I please leave that place without making a PURCHASE?!
So here I am, smoking, many things clogging my head; I can't make up my mind and I don't know what my next move should be. I feel like showering, I would like to rearrange furniture, the dishes need to be done, I need to prepare for work, the cat litter needs to be changed...all of this springs to mind when I am trying to make a decision!
I guess I should get off the damn computer and think of a solution here, lol, I am ridiculous... I can see it in these words. I gotta keep on the move or I am so fucking detached.
I sprung on a really cute fall jacket last night! I love it : ) My next purchase will be a hat. I am not really a hat person (I truly think I look funny) but I need to buy a cute fall hat. It just seems like the right thing to do.
^Proof that I have ADD. Where did that even come from? I was going one way and now I'm back and I really should just mention that I haven't purged in over a week. I keep wanting to though, it's the strangest thing. Last night the vomit literally rose up in my throat. But I kept it down. I don't want to puke. It hurts too much. That one headache it gave me kind of...changed my approach.
Lots of love to you readers:*
Think thin.
So here I am, smoking, many things clogging my head; I can't make up my mind and I don't know what my next move should be. I feel like showering, I would like to rearrange furniture, the dishes need to be done, I need to prepare for work, the cat litter needs to be changed...all of this springs to mind when I am trying to make a decision!
I guess I should get off the damn computer and think of a solution here, lol, I am ridiculous... I can see it in these words. I gotta keep on the move or I am so fucking detached.
I sprung on a really cute fall jacket last night! I love it : ) My next purchase will be a hat. I am not really a hat person (I truly think I look funny) but I need to buy a cute fall hat. It just seems like the right thing to do.
^Proof that I have ADD. Where did that even come from? I was going one way and now I'm back and I really should just mention that I haven't purged in over a week. I keep wanting to though, it's the strangest thing. Last night the vomit literally rose up in my throat. But I kept it down. I don't want to puke. It hurts too much. That one headache it gave me kind of...changed my approach.
Lots of love to you readers:*
Think thin.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Talking Heads.
I march to the beat of my own drum. I do what I want, when I want. I called in sick to work tonight, for the first time, for no reason. I am a little fucked in the head. I have been aware of this for awhile now. I haven't seen many friends lately. Or men. I just saw R. at the dining hall, where he apparently works now. We pretended not to see each other. I walked away, to a different part; I turned around to look at him and he was sneaking a peak at me. Gosh, I like this dude. And yet, I'll be damned, I really do despise him.
Out of pure desperation I ate a freakin' veggie panini. Disgust! I haven't purged in about two days, so I am trying not to. I want to. But I can't do it. I don't like the headaches when I do it daily. Spaced out seems better.
I love reading all of your blogs. I just read a really interesting post by Stick thin- it made me want to stop eating junk food. I bought a bag of candy corn yesterday (again). I have been snacking on it. I have ate a lot today, but walked for about 50 minutes all together. I have no fresh fruits or vegetables in my apartment. Only frozen and canned. I must change that. I wish I wasn't afraid to go the store; I don't trust myself to ONLY get fruit/veggies...I will probably convince myself to get an Amy's vegan frozen dinner, or crackers, or candy. It's enough to make me hurl, honestly.
But I'm not going to, dammit. I need to NOT puke. I need to rest and study this evening. I don't want to feel like shit. I am just going to drink lots of water. Fuck this day.
Out of pure desperation I ate a freakin' veggie panini. Disgust! I haven't purged in about two days, so I am trying not to. I want to. But I can't do it. I don't like the headaches when I do it daily. Spaced out seems better.
I love reading all of your blogs. I just read a really interesting post by Stick thin- it made me want to stop eating junk food. I bought a bag of candy corn yesterday (again). I have been snacking on it. I have ate a lot today, but walked for about 50 minutes all together. I have no fresh fruits or vegetables in my apartment. Only frozen and canned. I must change that. I wish I wasn't afraid to go the store; I don't trust myself to ONLY get fruit/veggies...I will probably convince myself to get an Amy's vegan frozen dinner, or crackers, or candy. It's enough to make me hurl, honestly.
But I'm not going to, dammit. I need to NOT puke. I need to rest and study this evening. I don't want to feel like shit. I am just going to drink lots of water. Fuck this day.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Mia on my mind.
I've been getting these terrible headaches. Like the beginning of a migraine headache (my worst nightmare) there are jabs of pain/pressure on the back of my head. Near the top of my spine.
I keep getting random itches all over my body. Like bugs crawling on me. A side effect of the drugs? or bulimia?
I am a mess and it shows. It shows in my verbal and non-verbal communication, my messy apartment, and my down-hill sliding grades in college. Can everyone tell? Am I so transparent? I fear that my social life is a complete joke. I don't think people actually "like" me. I think they deal with me because (1) I always have weed, and (2) I look good (if around men) (ha I don't actually believe that with my full heart but men are easily distracted with a little cleavage and makeup and lip-licking and leg-crossing).
Amazing but writing in this blog is somewhat therapeutic. Here is a cold hard fact: I have been binging and purging every day. I think this is getting out of control. I can't stop my stomach from feeling the way it does after I eat, all bloated and noisy and pushing up, but I can make the decision not to puke, which is damn near impossible these days.
Help.
Please.
Think thin.
[i need to lose 20 more pounds]
[] check this box when goal is reached***
can't wait to check that ^.
soon. so soon.
I can be there. So can you. We can do it together and it will be easier. Let's try it, dare each other to push on, push forward; dare each other to meet our goals, our serious goals, more than our goals: our deepest desire. I desire to be as thin as I want to be. So I will. I will make it happen. I am on my way there. I need to keep this up but I seriously need to be thinspired because I can't do this on my own! Ok...maybe I can. But a little motivation never hurt anyone.
I just want this damn headache to go away.
And to be thin. (obviously) thinner. the thinnest in any room.
xo.
peace.
I keep getting random itches all over my body. Like bugs crawling on me. A side effect of the drugs? or bulimia?
I am a mess and it shows. It shows in my verbal and non-verbal communication, my messy apartment, and my down-hill sliding grades in college. Can everyone tell? Am I so transparent? I fear that my social life is a complete joke. I don't think people actually "like" me. I think they deal with me because (1) I always have weed, and (2) I look good (if around men) (ha I don't actually believe that with my full heart but men are easily distracted with a little cleavage and makeup and lip-licking and leg-crossing).
Amazing but writing in this blog is somewhat therapeutic. Here is a cold hard fact: I have been binging and purging every day. I think this is getting out of control. I can't stop my stomach from feeling the way it does after I eat, all bloated and noisy and pushing up, but I can make the decision not to puke, which is damn near impossible these days.
Help.
Please.
Think thin.
[i need to lose 20 more pounds]
[] check this box when goal is reached***
can't wait to check that ^.
soon. so soon.
I can be there. So can you. We can do it together and it will be easier. Let's try it, dare each other to push on, push forward; dare each other to meet our goals, our serious goals, more than our goals: our deepest desire. I desire to be as thin as I want to be. So I will. I will make it happen. I am on my way there. I need to keep this up but I seriously need to be thinspired because I can't do this on my own! Ok...maybe I can. But a little motivation never hurt anyone.
I just want this damn headache to go away.
And to be thin. (obviously) thinner. the thinnest in any room.
xo.
peace.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Fear and Loathing.
I feel like I obsess over food. Glancing back at previous posts I notice that I am always talking about it, describing what I ate, calling things "good"...um this needs to stop. Maybe if I could stop thinking of food I would be able to stop eating altogether. This is my ultimate goal.
Went home yesterday. Didn't binge all day, had two bowls of salad with dinner. My family has clearly picked up on my paranoid habits concerning food. My mom made me a "goody bag" with canned veggies (my fav), fruit cups, soy milk, bananas. That is all fine but then she tossed in a mini bag of cheetos and a bag of mini cheddar rice cakes. When I got back to my apartment last night those were both gone in about 5 minutes. I also ate a total of SIX stuffed shells..STUFFED WITH FATTY CHEESE...three at dinner..three last night. Fat fucking ass that I am.
Wait a second, I'm doing it again. Talking about food, losing my mind. My point here is that she is trying to force food on me, because she thinks I never buy it. The truth is I buy so much food. It is usually binged and purged, or sometimes just thrown away. But I waste a lot of money on this silly mia. I also waste a lot of money on pot, cigarettes, and going out. Vices. Eh. Killer.
I can't think. I couldn't sleep last night. I have been waking up every morning around seven. It is too early to sing at this hour. All I do is feed my cat, surf the web, and go back to bed when I am able.
I am shocked to say that I have hunger pains, but I know that they are an illusion. I am not eating today. I will transition to ana if it kills me. I wanted to purge last night soo bad. I felt the food practically lifting itself up. But I could not do it. I could not bear with the taste of tomato sauce coming back up, it smells awful. (Sorry, gross). So it stayed in. The scale said 135 about twenty minutes ago. I don't know what to think or believe concerning my weight. I weighed myself the other night at K.'s and it said 139 -holy fuck I hope that was off.
Scales and what they read can make a person go crazy.
One good thing? The thinspo surrounding me on campus. Many younger, stick thin girls. Reverse thinspo too, because let's face it, this is America. People are fat. Especially new college kids who dig eating pizza and subs three times a day. Nasty! I am soo glad to be a vegetarian. Meat is gross. Scratch that. Food is gross. I hate it. Hate it. Hate it.
Let's see how long I last before I am shoving it in my mouth like a person who has starved for years.
Let's fast for Ramadan. Who's in? It doesn't matter what your religion is. Just do it. Stop eating. It is pointless to eat. Eating will not make life better, it will not make you rich, and it CERTAINLY will not make you pretty.
And hey, aren't we all just vain in that sense?
love & peace. think thin.
Went home yesterday. Didn't binge all day, had two bowls of salad with dinner. My family has clearly picked up on my paranoid habits concerning food. My mom made me a "goody bag" with canned veggies (my fav), fruit cups, soy milk, bananas. That is all fine but then she tossed in a mini bag of cheetos and a bag of mini cheddar rice cakes. When I got back to my apartment last night those were both gone in about 5 minutes. I also ate a total of SIX stuffed shells..STUFFED WITH FATTY CHEESE...three at dinner..three last night. Fat fucking ass that I am.
Wait a second, I'm doing it again. Talking about food, losing my mind. My point here is that she is trying to force food on me, because she thinks I never buy it. The truth is I buy so much food. It is usually binged and purged, or sometimes just thrown away. But I waste a lot of money on this silly mia. I also waste a lot of money on pot, cigarettes, and going out. Vices. Eh. Killer.
I can't think. I couldn't sleep last night. I have been waking up every morning around seven. It is too early to sing at this hour. All I do is feed my cat, surf the web, and go back to bed when I am able.
I am shocked to say that I have hunger pains, but I know that they are an illusion. I am not eating today. I will transition to ana if it kills me. I wanted to purge last night soo bad. I felt the food practically lifting itself up. But I could not do it. I could not bear with the taste of tomato sauce coming back up, it smells awful. (Sorry, gross). So it stayed in. The scale said 135 about twenty minutes ago. I don't know what to think or believe concerning my weight. I weighed myself the other night at K.'s and it said 139 -holy fuck I hope that was off.
Scales and what they read can make a person go crazy.
One good thing? The thinspo surrounding me on campus. Many younger, stick thin girls. Reverse thinspo too, because let's face it, this is America. People are fat. Especially new college kids who dig eating pizza and subs three times a day. Nasty! I am soo glad to be a vegetarian. Meat is gross. Scratch that. Food is gross. I hate it. Hate it. Hate it.
Let's see how long I last before I am shoving it in my mouth like a person who has starved for years.
Let's fast for Ramadan. Who's in? It doesn't matter what your religion is. Just do it. Stop eating. It is pointless to eat. Eating will not make life better, it will not make you rich, and it CERTAINLY will not make you pretty.
And hey, aren't we all just vain in that sense?
love & peace. think thin.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
It's early.
Second day of class. I already saved some homework to do before it starts at 9:30. Typical of me, I go on and on about how I want to prepare and follow my routine. Well I am not off to a great start. Yesterday I didn't eat until lunch, then has salad and half of a veggie panini at school. Then nothing until about five hours later, when I ate 3/4 of a Luna bar. Yum. Then I went shopping with my friend and got high before and after. Needless to say that is where I fucked up. I got the munchies and ate a bag of apple chips (not terrible), a Cliff Kids bar, SHELLS AND CHEESE, tiny bag of sunchips...what the hell happened there?? It just goes to show..when I don't eat breakfast I get super hungry and weak towards the end of the night.
Then I threw up. : /
It was easy, but I really feel like I stopped it sort of early. It is exhausting and terrifying, this power I have over my body. Mind over matter. I am so tired today. My stomach feels incredibly full still. No food today. I WILL get to school early enough (I walk!!!) to grab a black coffee before Philosophy. That is my morning plan. I will be out of class at 11, so here's hoping I don't cave and get lunch again :( Maybe if I keep it tiny, low cal, and low fat...like an apple, or another salad. We will see..I have a 3 hour break between classes, so how about I try to NOT fuck up today?
Oh one good thing, last night I passed on dinner at the buffet style dining hall on campus with some friends. I knew that it would be hard to resist the deliciousness that awaits me there. Ok, got to go unfortunately. I need to shower and do this homework; I love reading your blogs, and my own, day and night, first thing in the morning (to check for comments). It is thinspiring. I will do good today. I do not want to b/p..it is so not worth it. Ok STAY STRONG & THINK THIN THIN THIN THIN THIN THIN THIN THIN THIN THIN.
p.s. my kitten is totally hyper this early in the morning, I wish I had his energy..
Then I threw up. : /
It was easy, but I really feel like I stopped it sort of early. It is exhausting and terrifying, this power I have over my body. Mind over matter. I am so tired today. My stomach feels incredibly full still. No food today. I WILL get to school early enough (I walk!!!) to grab a black coffee before Philosophy. That is my morning plan. I will be out of class at 11, so here's hoping I don't cave and get lunch again :( Maybe if I keep it tiny, low cal, and low fat...like an apple, or another salad. We will see..I have a 3 hour break between classes, so how about I try to NOT fuck up today?
Oh one good thing, last night I passed on dinner at the buffet style dining hall on campus with some friends. I knew that it would be hard to resist the deliciousness that awaits me there. Ok, got to go unfortunately. I need to shower and do this homework; I love reading your blogs, and my own, day and night, first thing in the morning (to check for comments). It is thinspiring. I will do good today. I do not want to b/p..it is so not worth it. Ok STAY STRONG & THINK THIN THIN THIN THIN THIN THIN THIN THIN THIN THIN.
p.s. my kitten is totally hyper this early in the morning, I wish I had his energy..
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