Sleep deprivation

I'm so tired I feel sick. I got home from work and bull-sh!tted around for a few hours, and then slept for about two hours, and now I'm up again, with a foggy brain and I'm really just hoping someone will please hand me my paper on a silver freakin' platter. K? Can you bring it over in the morning?

No? Well fuck you! I am in a bitchy mood and I would give anything to just curl up in bed. THE END RESULT is what I need to focus on but it's hard, because I really should NOT have waited until now to start this. I don't even have a fucking topic. I have a few random sources and I just fucking hope I can pull this off without getting sick as a result of no sleep.

Work with J. was ... intense. We texted a little when I got out; he said that sometimes he just doesn't want to be on his phone, which I completely understand. He said "he expects nothing from me so I shouldn't expect anything from him." Right...well I don't J. I have no expectations. I don't even hold myself accountable for half the shit I do. I just don't know anything right now.

Thanks for the nice comments on that last post, it really makes me feel good to feel that connection with you guys. As we all know I'm quite the loner so knowing that I've got some peepz out there feels really special. 

Can you tell by reading this how exhausted I am? I screwed today up, big time. Well, yesterday technically. It is officially Tuesday now. Fuuucckkk. I need to start this. I have my adderall to pop so I know that will help, I just feel apprehensive about taking other's prescription pills sometimes...like I worry that my heart will stop or something equally freaky. Maybe it will maybe it won't either way I need to quit bitchin' and just do the damn thing.

Lots of cursing tonight, sorry about that. I know I'll feel better tomorrow, once this is behind me. Once this paper is done I can focus on my last project (due Wednesday) but it won't be as mentally straining as this one so that's something to "look forward to".

Ohhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Ok!

Well good night darlings and hit me back, just to chat, sincerely yours, your biggest fan, this is Stan.

Just kidding it's Sar.

Xo

THINK THIN!!!!!!! <3

Self restraint is key!

~* .I need to practice the Art of Self Restraint. *~

-Going to walk for an hour or so. I just ate some laxies, which is rare around here. I don't like swallowing pills. I take 2 pills every single day. Isn't that weird? 2 prescribed pills: Yaz & Zoloft. The sad thing is that I can't just stop taking them, my body will go nuts and I will be moody as hell as my hormones shift and my seratonin levels bottom out. I hate taking these pills. I am not even having sex! I am not depressed, I am just, I don't know, but Zoloft is not doing it's job. If it was then why am I so numb? Why so indifferent? Why so detached? I rarely even talk to anyone anymore, and when I do it's awkward!!

Walking. Now. Sar. Stop. Smoking. Stand. Up. Walk. Walk. Walk.