The latest

It's been a week since I've posted and of course there have been changes. To start: I worked late nights last weekend to a hungry, cheap crowd. All of the servers were frustrated and dejected. There is a guy at work that I find attractive. We went out for a drinks with one of the cooks a few weeks ago. I've worked with him a few times since.

So last Friday, after a bat shit crazy shift (Valentine's day) we decided to go get wasted. It was 2AM. You know where this is going, right? We ended up back at my place "for a glass of wine". One minute we are sitting on my couch looking at videos of his kids (yes KIDS) the next we're making out.

Next thing I  know I'm waking up in my bed (alone), with a vague recollection of what happened. I blacked out. We both did. In the morning he joined me in bed and we joked and laughed. Real laughs. He had to go back to work for a double and I would be in later. I sent him off with an apple and he gave me chills down my spine with a soft neck smooch.

He actually texted me a few hours later. When I went to work, we were flirty and extra polite and maybe even blushing a bit, both of us unsure of how everything went down but with the shared knowledge that we kissed and then went to sleep. Seperately.

I haven't worked with him since then and I checked the schedule, I won't be seeing him this weekend. As you might expect, I'm slightly attached now. Trying not to be. Him and I have had a connection since he started at the restaurant, a few weeks after me. I feel like I am very real and true to self around him, even if it's me just being a drunken hot mess.

Sigh. He has two kids that live on the other side of the state. He drives out there every other weekend. He has an ex-gf. He has baggage, clearly, but who doesn't? I don't even know how he feels. There have been no mentions made of a real "hang out". Oh, and he's very flirty with everyone. He is so outgoing, but with an old fashioned charm. He unlocked and opened the car door for me which REALLY impresses me because it happens so rarely. He also paid for my drinks.

So, we'll see. You guys know me, Ms. Boy Crazy. At least I'm over M. He's texted me a time or two and I've just ignored it. In other news, I was quite sick all week. Finally feeling better. I'm working tonight, all weekend actually. Just took some dayquil and a vitamin for the hell of it.

My mood is somewhat stable today. A little anxiety last night. I've made a few important calls and resolved a few nagging issues so patting myself on the back for taking care of business. I've been eating alright, whenever I get sick I get super paranoid so I am sure to eat vegetables, fruit, whole grains, and tea. I also swear by Oregano Spirits. Oh, and I've been smoking consistently. No cigs though (win).

Have a great weekend!

I'm going to hop in the shower and take my time getting ready for work. When I'm made up with my hair done I feel way more confident. Thinking big money, too. Send money luck my way I'm working for those tip$ guys! :)

xo
-Sar

Crushing blow

Hello World. I'm currently sitting on my bony ass and listening to the Beatles while chewing the inside of my lips and mouth raw. I'm also smoking. I caved and bought again even though my therapist thinks I should quit and I told him I would try. I suppose it'll take time.

I feel like I've been eating too much. My mom said the other day that I look like I've "lost weight". I told her I have. She said, "it's not like you were big before". I said nothing but thought to myself, lies.

I bought a pair of size 4 jeans, and a size 3/4 skirt last weekend. They fit perfectly. I am smaller yes, but my belly remains (in my eyes). I've been eating kind of shitty and it's stressing me out.

I am distracted by the onslaught of this intense crush on D., the guy at work. My attraction towards him has been steadily growing, thanks to some conversations, laughs, and heavy eye contact and work is just a million times better, haha. He is hot! but not in a conventional way, and he's funny and smart.

I don't like him. I don't! I just want to do him. Is that so bad?

I just need to stop getting weak in the knees in his presence. I stroll by his desk constantly (the way the room is designed, (un?)fortunately) and suddenly I forget how to walk. I have to chant walk,walk in my head so I don't jump him, or stop to talk, or something! What is with me?

Rebound much? He's definitely aware that I recently got out of a relationship and hopefully he doesn't think I'm too nutty for getting a tad gaga around him these days! Who cares what he thinks? Not me, not really. Trying not to, I mean. 

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In other news, I phucking love music.

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pEacE

<3

Xo ~ Sar