I've been back and forth on major life decisions, procrastinating like crazy, and eating my feelings. And I feel pretty blue, bloggers.
Remember last time when I was telling you about "R."? Haha I knew I shouldn't have bothered even mentioning him. He blew me off totally and completely. I'm so over men.
The days are rushing by and it's already Fall. The leaves are shriveling up and plunging to their deaths all over our lawn. How dare they litter the once green expanse of fresh cut grass? The sky is darkening at a rapid rate. The nights have that ping of coldness and I've been wearing sweaters.
I am behind on things and beating myself up. I have attempted to quit smoking cigarettes and the stress of this is turning me into such a bitch. I'm sick of myself and and my looks. You know what that means. Yep, I dyed my hair. I relish the feeling of gazing into a stranger's eyes in the mirror. I don't want to recognize me. I am the Unfamilar, the Unheimlich.
I'm pondering and reflecting. I'm fading out and away. As far as I know, I'm losing weight. I definitely still crave thin and will do what it takes to be as slim as possible.
I've been out of therapy for about a month and everyone can tell. Not really but it feels that way. I am acting different lately...I'm rude and uncaring and easily irritated and on the constant verge of tears. I get flashes of anger every other minute. Like, right now. The phone is ringing. It's been ringing all morning and I'm fucking annoyed. STOP CALLING OUR HOUSE, PEOPLE!
I want to move out. I want to go get my Master's degree. I want a new car. I want to spend more time with my cat. I want to eat a pizza to myself in my underwear on a Friday night with no one around to judge. I think I need to start planning something.
Because I'm hungry for change. I need something new and refreshing before I fucking off myself.