well hello

well hello

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

It's October

It's late and I'm up smoking, thinking. Not drinking. It's been a ride, my friends. I am on probation now, hopefully for just a few months more. I was in another car wreck, totaling my new car. :-( Luckily I was not injured, and no substances were involved. I am now driving my 3rd car this year. This has all weighed very heavily on me. I feel extremely depressed, still.

Work is going ok. Still seeing Jeff. He has been my rock actually. He is honestly a very helpful influence. My weight is I have no idea haven't weighed myself. But I feel thin. Not thin enough obviously but in a way thin enough for now.. I've been eating kinda crappy but making a much better effort this week.

I feel so dang lost you guys. I've been through so much this year. Death in the family, walking out of my old shitty job, starting a new full time job, 2 car accidents, dwi, probation..... the list goes on and on and I am sick of feeling sorry for myself. Whenever I go through that list of events I get antsy to feel over it. Maybe I can get over it.

I want to succeed, absolutely. I want a good life, filled with love. Earlier today I heard myself say in my mind voice "I hate you". I heard the bad thoughts I know they will continue to come but it's got to be possible to silence them. Or is the trick to hear them.. feel them.. and release them?
They need to change.
Positive thoughts ~ Positive life

I am tired and high, but low.
There is so much to be said but I don't have the energy.
Goodnight blogger.