well hello

well hello

Saturday, December 27, 2014

BIG news

I'm pregnant.(it's D.'s).
I have an abortion scheduled next friday.

PLEASE, if you have any tips or advice, let me know.


Happy New Year to me.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Holiday greetings

Happy Saturday! It's 11:30AM and I'm awake, drinking coffee. Tomorrow is the winter solstice. I am happy about this because I NEED more daylight hours. Been taking Vitamin D every day to attack the seasonal blues.

Less than a week to christmas and I haven't shopped, but I will, today. I was sick with a cold for like 9 days and still not 100%. The sickness coincided nicely with D. and I's latest breakup. My period is late. Only two days and it's probably stress.

I cut my hair again, a few inches and trimmed up the layers. It looks alright. Don't see myself going back to a hairdresser any time soon. Cutting it is too fun. Something about taking scissors to your self and trimming away excess.

Speaking of, at my last weighing (last sunday) I was 133. I've lost 17 pounds since Spring.

Without really trying. I guess the years of ednos thoughts became my reality and food is just nothing to me anymore. I just don't really care about food.

The only reason I eat is because I know I'm supposed to, and I should fuel my body.

Hence, the weight loss. All of my clothes are big. I feel good about it but as I've been saying since the beginning, I do not look sexy in baggy clothes.

Ugh. I am still in shock over the breakup. Like, is it really going to stick this time? Maybe.

In about two weeks he is leaving on a month long vacation through central America. It will be an ideal time for me to move on. Right now I still don't fully believe it. I'm trying to accept it though.

I changed my facebook to single, deleted his pics (most of them), and am telling everyone and myself that it's over.

The truth is that I never wanted it to be over. I cared for him very much. Our relationship had a  lot of struggles but sometimes it was truly perfect and we were so cute. The fights were out of control though. I take most of the blame for that, though he has many issues to be worked through in his life.

He made me happy, he made me sad, he made me mad. The sex was incredible and very satisfying. The rest, meh.

I have to be strong. It's time to be Sar again.

Love and peace.