it never is though.
Hello, blog. It is six p.m. and I have to be at work in an hour. I am smoking! Lol, finally reupped. But you don't care about that. Let's get down to business. I woke up feeling beautifully skinny today. I love the feeling. I have been restricting all weekend, mostly and luckily because of the massive amount of snow we got. I didn't want to go out in it, ha. So my payoff was a flat belly.
But my arms. Ew, so flabby. I need to lift books like weights and tone those fuckers up.
And my legs are decent. My ass not so much. My face? Um, sometimes it's ok and other times it is full and fat looking.
My scale is back out, prominently displayed on my kitchen floor, a flat surface, so I can step on it when I need to.
I was eating really good all day. I had fruit and salad and a little cereal at the dining hall. Then I dug out my car and went to the store...and bought a couple snacks. I ate a bag of Popchips, just because I was still hungry. This was not horrible, the entire bag was about 300 calories. Ok, that's a ton...and they're empty calories, but I could have done much, much worse. I got some carrots and yogurt and microwave popcorn as well. But I will eat nothing else today.
I need to keep losing. It is imperative.
It's weird, I found myself wondering how to keep losing weight. The thing is, I know how. I am hovering at 130, but want to get to 120. I haven't weighed in the 120's in awhile...it is almost like I am afraid to get there again. Afraid but fucking eager. Does that make sense? Um no. The human brain is so weird. Or maybe it's just me. Either way I am in it to win it.
I am thinking thin. I will be thinner.
I like the way it feels. I like the weird looks my neighbor was giving me at lunch today, how she practically urged me to go and get the cereal. Ha. I have been having dreams of food and of people talking to me about my weight. I want it to be real. I want them to worry. I want T. to see me and think, "damn, she's lost weight". Not that he thinks I need to, I'm sure. But I want it to be noticeable. And it will. Soon.
Tomorrow is March 1st. By the end of the month I want to be holding steady at 125. Wish me luck.
* I want her arms!!!*
Think thin, people! xo