Run Like Hell.

I suppose I'm the kind of girl who is easy to blow off. I sit here for the second night in a row, wondering. No one ever asks me to do anything, and when I get a random request to go drinking from a chick I'd like to be friends with, I take it seriously. But I'm sitting here at ten P.M. on a Friday, waiting for a text from a girl I barely know, so we can meet at the bars. T. is playing in a band tonight, so that's really why I was hoping to go out with someone. I don't want to go alone. Too much opportunity for my fears to show in my face. Also, I truly do want to hang with her! We have a class together and I want friends!

Well oddly enough, she just texted me. She's in a different town, "just leaving". I have no fucking idea what that means and at this point, I want to do what I did last night: get ready for bed and go to sleep early. How sad.

Hi guys, I know I have not been being a good blogging buddy, but understandably I've been busy. I started work and school again. I am taking care of a brand new apartment and trying to keep me and my cat healthy. My commute to school and back will put over 100 miles per week on my car. I am under stress. I visited the counselor today for the first time since May. I like him. He knows me *decently*. I feel sick with anxiety, but that's sort of the norm for me.

I am definitely losing weight. I've had really good control over my eating since I've been here :) It's nice being back on my own, it's just very lonely. I really don't have many friends here. The only people I text on the regular are my various "love interests".
I broke things off with A.
I am pining after T.
I made out with C. last weekend.
(a guy who I've been talking to off and on for awhile - he lives out this way).

T. is still with his ugly girlfriend. She came into my work when I was working with him. It was awkward and painful. I hate that he's so happy with her. I need to observe them more. I give myself a headache just thinking about it.

Hope you all are well. I don't know what the fuck to do tonight. Part of me wants to drive allll the way downtown in hopes of seeing/talking to T. because ... who am I kidding? I love talking to him. His gf will certainly be there, and all their friends, because they have this cute, happy little friend-circle that is very tough to penetrate! And also it'd be cool to drink with a new friend. But if I don't hear from her by 11 PM I am staying in. Fuck it all.

I'm beat, anyway. I've been doing too much. Too many cigs and black coffee. I've given myself some crippling heart burn. Any help with this?? What can I do??

Take care. Wish me luck this semester, it's already off to a pretty crazy start. I need a miracle to keep my mental state well. I need some friends to keep me sane. Oh yeah, and my birthday is next weekend. Joy! NOT. I actually do not like my birthday. I am embarrassed by it.
So I'll be going home. To my other friends. I don't even want to do anything, but if I do, I can be around people that know me somewhat and that I know a little. And it'll maybe be normal. What the fuck is normal? I do not know.

I know how to get thin, so I'll be practicing that. Talk to you later.

xo

You can wear anything you want when you're thin, you can do your hair in any way. 

You can go make up free, you can do anything...because you're thin,

and that's a fashion statement. 

Be thin <3

xo~Sar