I can't hear my heart

Another day, another dollar. My new job is fine. It is a 7-day a week gig for the next however many weeks. Tomorrow will be my fourth day in a row. My arms already look toned. I have a slight tan. My nose is (unfortunately) a little pink. Damn sun, or lack thereof, which was the case on this overcast, cold day. I still got some color. I'm sure you've guessed; I work outside with flowers, plants and vegetables.

I work with a DILF. Every day this week. Yeaya. So many men in my life and yet I'm single. I need it this way. No time for a relationship. I want love but not bad enough to try and look for it. I don't mind working with M. (the dilf), he is nice and helpful. Like most men tend to be around me.

What? I'm feeling a little cocky today. I don't like my eyebrows though, they're annoying me right now.

I'm so high and just popped half a muscle relaxer. I'm going to hopefully sleep great. I could use it. My body is feeling it. And soon to be looking it.

I'm so happy to have a job and especially one that allows me to stay so active. This is basically what I needed, some tough labor to show me what's up. I sat around far too long whining Wahh I can't get a job, I'm so depressed, and fat. Blah blah.

Not anymore. I will succeed at this job. I will do my best. I will make money. Honey.

It's funny, just lifting my arm just now hurt. A little. I guess this is what it feels like to burn some serious calories while toning and strengthening oneself. Mmmm.

I can't wait to be thinner. Today my mom said, You should weigh yourself, To see if you lose weight at this job.

Uh, ok, sure Mom. Great idea, actually. But I already weighed myself today. (I didn't tell her that).

She's manipulative, I wonder where I get it.

I try to bend people and places and thoughts. I try to make things go my way. I strive to be in control of any given situation.

You're probably glad we don't hang out.

Lol, yeah right! We'd party, yo.

Or just stand or walk in the park and talk about our weight. That seems a little more likely. I read a lot of blogs, some like mine, others not so much.

I read "healthy living" blogs often. The writers sometimes describe "blogger meetups". There is always food involved. They meet up at a restaurant and talk and eat. 

I hate eating in front of strangers, hate. It's impossible to talk without worrying about food in my teeth or the sound of me chewing or food on my face or me spitting food out, etc. I'm a freak. An anxious, manipulative freak.

Oh well. At least I'm thin.
Fed Up said it right: being thin is something millions of people wish they could be. We've got it though. We've done it. What so many want is ours, mine, yours.

It turns me on, it really does.

Think thin.

Xo

Sar