Today was busy af and I'm exhausted! I keep getting pulled back to this blog though. I have been reading a lot of past entries and reflecting. Perhaps I needed to. I have been through so much. It's ok to recognize it and remember. It's ok to ruminate a bit, notice patterns and mistakes and dare I say... moments of insight. It's not ok to dwell or get mad about old fights. It's not ok to beat myself up for choices I made years ago. Deal with it and move on.
It should be noted that D. is still on the outskirts of my life. We've been broken up a couple years and had a solid year without speaking and then tried to be friends and would end fighting and tried again with the same outcome. It is now a situation where I have his number blocked and allow him to keep in contact with me via insta. I don't mind light contact with him but the attraction is completely gone. He is a funny dude and we have history but I don't love him anymore. Not sure I ever did, though it definitely felt like it at the time. I don't hate getting funny memes or bumping into him at shows though. A "happy ending" in any way shape or form for us involved a ton of effort, work, forgiveness, and strength. I don't think either of us are completely there yet, but it does appear that we are working towards it, individually. Time will tell.
I've been in this apartment over 4 years. I'd like to move at some point, probably back to the city or finally out of state. Every day my mind changes. Work is going well enough where I don't feel the urge to flee but we have other locations, should the desire strongly arise. A transfer is possible.
For now, I am at home with my cat and my plants. I have gotten into keeping plants in the window. I enjoy taking care of them. Which reminds me, I need potting soil! Keep forgetting. It's Spring, time to repot!
My trip is around the corner. I can't wait to get away from it all a bit, and get tan, and relax beachside. Should hopefully be a highlight of this year. I went last year too, in April. It was a beautiful time.
Ta ta for now!
xo, Sar
well hello
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