well hello

well hello

Saturday, July 3, 2010


Today, I stupidly ate four slices of bread and one bagel. (Also a salad, cherries, and strawberries). (And 3 cookies). What a bread binge. Do you ever do that? What the fuck is up with me and bread? Tonight around midnight it was time to binge, and you know what time that is...it's the time when you and I lose control and stop focusing on what's important (being thin). It happens to me when I stay under 1000 calories for a couple days. I really hate that, I mean, life would be easier if binging and food didn't exist. I'd prefer to swallow a pill and be nourished, without all the extra fat, calories, sugar, and sodium. Ah, what a life that'd be. Free and easy, easier than pie.

Did I say pie? Oh I did, yes, because tonight when I opened the freezer there was an apple pie just chillen. Literally. What. The. Fuck.
Get this- there's also brownies, cookies, candy, cashews, 8 bags of chips, peanut butter, the disgusting list of fattening food goes on. I am thankful my family is not struggling to eat but good God...does it have to be all junk? 
It's sort of great though, because I don't dare touch it.

Today I got a pedicure for the first time. My toe nails are a gorgeous red with a tiny white flower on each big toe. They look nice :) I want them to last forever like this! But they won't, how sad. I just know the tiniest chip is going to piss me off.

I am sipping a very girly drink, a Margarita in a glass bottle...haha it's not too strong, and I know the extra calories are bad, but I need to relax a little. I am taking this online course and I wrote a very personal post tonight, full of emotion. Full of questions and a little bit of bullshit. What is wrong with me? I just crave the outlet. This blog is not enough for me. I feel somewhat limited at times, which is strange; I'm also petrified that someone I know is reading this, like a boy or love interest. FuCk. Hope not!

I'd like to NOT be anonymous, I'd like to display a picture of my face and send this link to family and friends. But I won't, I can't. My eating issues are mine alone. I like to keep them private. Yes, I encourage people to eat healthy. Yes, I still think I'm fat. Therefore...my blog stays lowkey.

I don't know if you've even read this far down the page; I imagine you have, I'm quite the writer! (Just kidding). 

So here's the deal. I want to know how long you've been reading. Please. Just take one minute and let me know, whether it's been two days or two months or two years. Please, again, I'm begging you. I need to know if I have any chance of making a career out of writing. It would be so helpful to know if I have any longterm loyal readers.

It's sad, but I am not sure when I began to get followers. Six months ago? A year ago? I just always signed on and starting typing furiously until I changed my focus as an attempt to get readers, which apparently worked.

Pleaseeeee comment sometime telling me how long you've been reading. I'll love you forever :)

In other news,

Think thin.

Nice long skinny legs. Nice space between. You know what I mean.


((but you wouldn't catch me squeezing into those pink pants...))


<3 Please comment!!! <3


MyNameIsMellon said...

When you restrict the first two things your body goes for are the carbs and the fat. Thats just the way it is unfortunately. =/ Learned that at the ED Center. I guess they're good for something.

Emry said...

I think I started reading your blog around the time I first started by blog & started finding others to follow, which was around May of this year.

Flushed said...

I've been reading for months upon months! Your blog is one of my faves. Some people write about their personal affairs and they are long winded and boring. The things you write about anything and everything keep me interested and engaged.

Keep writing, you are good at it :)

Anonymous said...

I fucking hate bread because my body LOVES it. The first thing I always want is a bagel loaded down with cream cheese. It's horrible how the body loves carbs.

Anonymous said...

I have a bread problem too, and it effing sucks D:
As for how long I've been reading your blog, I do believe it has been a few weeks. I really like your blog and your writing!

Charr. said...

Ugh, I don't even know when I started following you o.o Couple months ago at least?? As soon as I found you, I followed, how's that? And I won't be going anywhere if that counts for anything :P

Yum said...

There IS something about bread that makes people binge, but I don't remember what it is. I know I've read it somewhere. (There are people with Celiacs who have binge eating problems, whose binging goes away when the go Gluten Free.)

(I love those pants, BTW! *_* Pink!!)

Yum said...

....and I have no idea how long I've been reading. ^^;;; But I agree with Flushed. Some people's blogs are calories, complaining, and a lot of blah, but yours is not one of them. :)

(Not that there's anything wrong with that kind of blog, but you know what I mean.)