Schizo today.

Well I definitely got blew off by the boy today. You know. "Him". Not surprising, hahaha. And then the next day I had the nerve and the gall to tell him I like him, through a text. Another reason to laugh. He made himself clear as crystal by saying, "I don't like you like that" and "I'm not interested in a relationship". Guess what neither am I but what I would like is a steady hookup..of course I didn't tell him that.

My life majorly sucks.

Not because of that sad excuse for a human being. Not because I am a fuckup. Not because I have two papers to write, one that was due before Break even started. No, mostly life sucks because I have something mentally wrong with me. I really flipped out screaming at my parents, and now it looks like no apartment for me. I don't even have the courage to talk to them about anything, this is where the problems start I think. I can't let them know about the real, depressed, drug abusing me. I can't tell them things I fear will scare the shit out of them. I think they are already to damn sheltering. They want me to stay in the dorms because it's "safe" well FUCK SAFE. I have lived on my own before and

I REFUSE TO BE 23 YEARS OLD LIVING IN A DORM DESIGNED FOR 18 YEAR OLDS, CONSTANTLY UNDER THE WATCHFUL EYE OF 10 RAS. IT'S BULLSHIT. IT'S MY MONEY. (I am paying back all of my school loans eventually)..

Another problem. I need them to front me the $400 security deposit..and so no on that, so no on the apartment. I feel sick sick sick.

AND I got rejected by that guy. ahhhhhhhh.. I hate rejection. I hate facing my demons. I hate hate hate it all,,,