Strawberry Fields Forever

It's 11:33 in the morning and I've ate some candy corn and a toaster strudel (with no icing). I've drank a small glass (about 3 oz.) of orange juice. We'll say I'm at 550 calories. What's with the sugar cravings? Well, I could blame shame. I was supposed to go to class at eight. I lay in bed, after I snoozed my alarm, and didn't bother to reset it again after it went off for the second time. I slept until my friend from class texted me at quarter to eight saying she wouldn't be there. I knew there was no way I was going, so I texted her back, and we both felt smug with our badassness. Except I no longer feel happy about my decision. For thing, I completely threw off my routine.

But the cable guy came and I was able to flirt with him in my pjs and get a free cable box (to replace the one the cat knocked over). I thought for sure I'd have to pay for it. I guess I was wrong. So that's a good thing, except after he left I was feeling blue because we started talking about house fires and I had maybe a handful and a half of candy corn. Damn you, Halloween and your tasty confections. I mean FATTY shyt-sweetz!  Why bother eating them if it makes me feel like shit? Why buy them if I just hate myself every time?

I am gnawing on my finger tips. The skin all around the nail. Mostly my thumbs and index fingers, but I feel like a freaking cannibal.

I saw J. yesterday. We went all of Sunday without talking and then Monday morning he texted me, asking how my ankle was. I promptly texted him back, inviting him to meet me for coffee that afternoon. He was down. We met up at two in the afternoon. It was great. We had a really interesting conversation and his body language was telling me the right things. His eyes are so, so, beautiful. I'm not sure if they're green or brown, or maybe hazel, like my eyes. They just lock onto mine. It's sensuous and very compelling.

He had to work, so we went our separate ways.

A few minutes later****

Typing about J. sent me into a tailspin. I just started cleaning and putting things away in a rush of madness. I need to smoke, calm down.
puFF.
PUff.

Ok. Back to where I was. J. and I had a nice time and now tomorrow we're going to "smoke and watch a movie". We've never smoked together. I'm nervous because when I smoke around "new" people I get quiet and self-conscious. And, the best part? We're doing it here. My place. I haven't had a guy here yet. I'm so, so scared. I am going to buy a tapestry specifically because this guy is coming over. I have been meaning to, but J. seeing the interior of my apartment is a big step, and I want it to look cool, with a groovy vibe, so that's reason enough :)
The wall is a little plain by the television so after my classes later I'll stop at this hippie store and buy it, come home and hang it, and of course I'll be thinking thin.

Silly, yes. Understandable, yes.

I think this dude is pretty awesome. It's not that I want to impress him, but if he's going to come check out my "crib" then I want it to look like I have it together.

Idk. I'm all over the place with this. It's just marijuana and a movie. I have all of today to primp if I think it'll make me feel better. I could paint my nails or something. I'll also clean the kitty's litter area impeccably. I've always been really paranoid about my place reeking of cat. I smoke so much in here though, I bet that covers anything funky. Ahhhhh must. chill.

I need to clean and take a shower and finish this laundry and brush the cat and attend two classes. I need to buy a tapestry today. I can do all this. I can do all of this with NO MORE FUCKING FOOD.

I'm just smoking and listening to music, no reason to get upset or anxious, really. Tomorrow will be here when it comes. I had a good time with him. If I just prepare myself today then tomorrow I can relax and maybe score a kiss from this sexy man.

Dang.

Be thin*

Beautiful, skinny, women with curves. 

My dream body is rail thin with a tiny curve to my hips and breasts.

I am getting there.

It's hard but I know what to do:

1. Restrict calorie intake

2. Move around as much as possible

3. Sleep well

4. Take vitamins and drink lots of water, black coffee, and green tea

5. Never eat seconds.

6. Never admit to being hungry, people expect more when they hear that

6. Vegan diet as much as possible

Sexy 6 rules for a sick bod.

think thin*

xo~Sar