I've been talking to "R."...the guy I met last week at the airport. Lol. We've known each other for exactly one week but it actually feels a little longer. Dare I say something positive about this? We are hanging out for the "first" time tomorrow. I am excited. We've exchanged a great number of text messages. Every dang day. Damn my heart for beating like this. Texting is fun but it only goes so far. We'll see if he's as talkative in "real life". We are getting coffee, probably at Starbucks.
I was down a pound when I woke this morning. I've been restricting all week, trying to lose some weight. Why do I feel fat, then skinny, then average, then huge in the span of an hour? It's a roller coaster, and I want to get off! Drop me off at thin. It's where I want to be forever.
I've decided that my thighs are my biggest "problem" area. They are too big and soft. It's gross. Any foolproof methods for slimming down fatty thighs?
***
Too much time has passed, I took a break from writing this and sent one of my student loan lenders an angry, tangent-filled email.
I'm weird, but cool. I try to be myself. I'm trying to make it in this world. I'm eyeing the American dream and it seems within reach...if people would just cooperate! I want and need things to start working out for me.
*
I'm
ready
to
be
thinner
and
thinner
and
thin.
*
All week I've been shaking with hunger at work, until lunch at seven in the evening. At lunch I eat a "fiber one" granola bar, a piece of fruit, and a pepper jack cheese stick. And water. Sometimes black coffee. People have stopped staring and pointing it out, they just accept it and move on.
It's great when size medium shirts are way too baggy. That means I'm small, SMALL, SMALL!
Think thin today. Be strong-willed. Look temptation in the face and shake your head "no". It get's easier. The payoff is being bony.
XO
Sar
***
Have a great day! Smile! Be at Peace!
1 comment:
fuck yes, cheers for being small. i love this post. it made me smile. glad you're logical enough to only go to therapy if you need it. some people either are completely against it, or terribly dependent on it. good on you. i'm brewing coffee now. glad you're down a pound. my thighs are my biggest problem, too. at least i think so. i just make sure i do leg exercises specifically during my normal workout like pliés. it seems to help. but who knows? not me. stay strong, doll.
xoxo
zette
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