Like a prayer

I'm down a few more pounds. I didn't feel anything, happy or sad, when I saw the number. I just felt numb.

Today I will find out more about my Dad. Right now he is at the hospital with my Mom. I'm hoping for the best but so stressed. I am not hungry at all, my stomach feels sick. I'm coping by smoking, listening to music, and surfing the web for an hour before work, my go-to daily dose of distraction.

My brother and I just had an awkward encounter in the kitchen. We're both petrified. We can't even talk about it.

I'm a little annoyed J. hasn't called me yet today. Doesn't he know I need him? I mean, I'm not exactly calling or texting him, haven't since last night. But still. This is serious and I'd appreciate a nice phone call. From anyone. When was the last time one of my girl friends just called me to chat?

He's going to be ok he's going to be ok he's going to be ok he's going to be ok he's going to be ok.

I had a decent weekend considering the doom and gloom residing over my house. J. and I had dinner then met up with some friends for drinks. I'm such a light eater around him. I've figured out how to impress men (when it comes to dining styles): order whatever the hell you want (within reason-make sure you get some veggies) and then eat half of what's on the plate. It fills you up (briefly) and he thinks you don't diet, you just "get full fast".

And people who don't "clean their plate" don't get fat.

***

Stay strong for you, me, the world.

Think thin because thin people are sexier and easier on the eyes.

And it feels good to be thin...the envious stares, the roaming eyes, the concerned looks when you say "no thanks" to whatever food they offer. Actually I make it a point to eat in front of my friends.

***

J. just called me. I was freaking out for nothing, as per usual.

Gotta jet. I'll keep you updated if you keep my family in your prayers.

XO
-Sar-