The waiting game

My Dad is really sick. They don't know what's wrong. My thoughts are taking me places I don't want to go, imagining scenarios I am not ready to deal with. I'm scared. For him, and for our family.

I'm convinced my younger brother has an eating disorder (too). He is scary skinny. He is all bones.

My car has officially taken a shit. I need a new one. I'm willing to bite the bullet and get another, but the timing is awful. We are waiting for some test results concerning my Dad. The underlying message is that I just need to deal with this for now, get rides to and from work, etc.

I'm pissed, anxious, don't feel like waiting. I'm miserable. My skin is acting weird, very dry and blotchy on my face. My hair is greasy and the curls look like shit. I took scissors to my bangs the other day and that was a stupid ass mistake on my part.

I thought the weekend was supposed to be relaxing, I'm so high strung I'm not even hungry.

I don't know what to do. I am trying to take one thing at a time. I need my Dad to get diagnosed and better. Everything is so unstable right now.

J. and I got in a terrible, horrible fight last weekend. We broke up. Then talked and made up. We are ok but I am still walking on eggshells a bit. I can't lose him.

We had a nice Valentine's day. We made breakfast together and exchanged sappy cards. He got me a bouquet of wild flowers, I got him candy and "sex dice". The flowers had to be moved out of my room and on to the dining room table because the smell was really bothering me. He could have gotten me tulips, my favorite. But I was happy to get anything after such a ridiculous blow out.

Just needed to update. My life seems to be in shambles. I need to breathe. Any words of wisdom or positive comments are welcome. Please say a prayer or send good vibes for my Dad. Thanks, darlings.

XO
Sar


((Think Thin))