Let the Sunshine in

That glorious moment in the dressing room with a couple pairs of pants, sizes two and four. They both fit. I go with the four because the size twos remind me of leggings, they cling to my leg fat. Leg fat? Girl you fit in a size two. That's one size away from zero.

I weigh less and look thinner. I'm in my high school weight range. Interesting. The correlation between starting my job and losing the weight is somewhat clear, though I've been on this journey for awhile.

There are two women at my work. They are so unbelievably thin. They are thinspiration, so close, five days a week. I wonder if they notice me.

I'm moving in four days. I am about a quarter of the way packed. I'm SO excited!

I won't have internet for awhile, which seriously sucks. I have no idea how to get it, it's always been included with my rent in apartments prior. Any advice on this?

J. and I continue to see each other. Things are going good and I have hope that this could last. He visited me at work on my lunch break today and brought a single red rose. He asked me if I knew what it meant. I said no. It means true love. To me, it is just a flower. If you love me, J., tell me.

Thank you, Miranda, for the sweet comment about my big move. You and I could be kindred spirits.

It's almost midnight, and I have to wake at six. Good night.

XO

Sar

Trippy Music miX + Some Good News

Hello, I haven't properly updated this blog lately.

Edit - 10 min. later:
I'm sitting at my desk, high as a k i t e . . .

I had therapy to attend tonight after work (thankfully, I do depend on it once a month to keep my "sanity").
I left my house at 7:30AM, had a 45 minute commute, worked for 8 busy hours, drove about 50 minutes to my therapist's office, vented and cried a bit, drove 25 minutes home in the snow and watched my gas tank slowly empty. More money. Long day. Too much damn time in the car.

Work was stressful, with two meetings and some drama. We're a bunch of women, what could I expect? You can tell when one of us is on the rag, that's for damn sure.
I don't mean that in a negative way, it's just scientifically interesting to me.
And annoying, of course.

Especially when bitches be stunting!

...and they are such thin bitches. I absolutely aspire to have the one girl's body. She is my same age but taller and thinner. Her body is amazing. So. beautifully. thin. She looks fragile but strong, accomplished...

I'm thirsty for more water. But I don't want to leave this bedroom. 
Wow, almost forgot to tell you. I'm moving out next weekend!! Say whattt?!? I'm thrilled!
Told ya I'd make it happen! Thank the good Lord for tax$ money!

I'm moving to the city! In an up and coming "city village" area, with shops and restaurants and sweet parks! But there is crime in the surrounding areas so I'm going to get a bat!
I'm going to wear my brave face, don't want to be messed with in the streets!

Anyway, it's a little one bedroom, all wood floors and upstairs with some windows! Hellz yeah, stair climbing! Working those calves! INDEPENDENCE IS MINE!!

It's a little costly, approximately half of my monthly income, but I'm hoping for the best! I am decent with money and have made a budget! Everything should work out fine, I've done this before - I CAN do it again!

OMG I cannot wait to be out of my parent's house!

I haven't weighed myself in a week, if you can believe that! So I am not sure if I have continued to lose, but I'm going to say that yes I have! Feeling and thinking thin everyday!

PeAcE oUt*~

xo
Sar

Stay strong always for the health of it.

Oh, who am I kidding?

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Do it for thin.

Control in the kitchen.

Control in the car.

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Happy Valentine's Day!!! Don't eat too much chocolate and I won't either! XO

Don't kill yourself

Another day, another death to find out about. The more people you know, the more loss you'll feel, the more sorrow. Another wake on Thursday and I need to be there, and my brother, and my friends...to celebrate the life of someone who commit suicide.

I say on here a lot of things. I say I hate life. I say I wish I was dead. I am reckless with drinking and drugs and driving. Sometimes I want to hurt myself or someone else.

But when it comes down to it...when shit really hits the fan, I know that I could never do it. I wouldn't want to. I fear death.

Rest in Peace Marty. What the fuck (as my eyes tear up again). WHY? A gunshot to the face at a party in front of people? I am mad and sad and horrified. I ache, especially for those closest to him.

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I binged on Sunday. I ate 2500 calories, haven't done that in ages. I've been averaging like 800 a day. But I woke yesterday in self destruct mode. I felt like crap, physically and mentally about it. Today was a fresh start though. I've ate healthily. No ice cream. No pizza. Yes, on Sunday I had both.

Don't get it twisted, I am determined to finish what I started here. I am going to continue to lose weight. I am going to continue working out, burning those calories at the gym and in the bedroom. ;-)

Tomorrow I am going to look at an apartment in the city (!). J. is coming with. Hope I like it. Because I want out.

Think thin loves.
Live life!
XO
Sar