I put my entire life on hold this year, to help K. through his medical issues and surgery. And I don't even know if we're going to make it. I'm aging by the day, 38 and no kids. This is never where I wanted to be. We have been dating nearly 3 years. We are no closer to marriage then we were a year ago, that's how it feels currently. It's not that marriage is the end goal necessarily, but there are certain tax and economic protections by being married. Why be in a long term committed relationship without them? We talk about living together, but that scares the hell out of me. I've lived alone a long time.
I don't trust him. And I know how ridiculous and awful that sounds, after being with him this long, going through what we've gone through, and naively assuming we would end up together anyway. It's weird because there is a certain base level of trust that I definitely feel. Like I'll get in the car with him, sleep next to him, give him a key to my place, ask him to watch my cat, etc. But actual trust that he won't do me wrong? Sadly I really struggle with this. I have extreme trust issues. They've been here forever.
My mental health is terrible lately. I'm so fucking depressed.
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