First Day

Good morning. Today is my first day of work. I am nervous and excited. I also feel enormous. I hate being so fat. I hate how soft my body is. I hate how out of shape and gross I am. I was looking in the mirror and almost puked at the sight of my fat stomach, fat arms, fat thighs, and fat ass. I'm fat. I just had to get these thoughts out. I need to get serious about working out. Time is not on my side anymore. Nobody told me that your late twenties are filled with fat days.

I reinstalled Lose It on my cell phone and I've been tracking my intake. I've been taking long walks. It's not enough. It's NEVER ENOUGH. I just want a slim, smooth body. No lumps or bumps under my clothes. I want to see more bones. I need to lose weight. I am grotesque.

Not sure why I woke up feeling especially huge. OK, I know exactly why. Yesterday I did not eat very healthy. And I slept like shit last night. Combined with getting dressed in "business casual" for the first time in a month and I am so ashamed to say that my size four black pants are tight. They fit but they're too tight. I have gained. I am so upset about this. So I sit here currently, wearing my size six black pants, feeling like a failure. A fat failure on her first day.

It's time to buy a scale and get with the program. What is happening to me? I'm sick of camouflaging my body, strategically wearing clothes to cover my blubber. God help me.

Think thin.

I'm off, peace.
xo
-S.