Existential crisis

Good morning, earthlings. I'm currently freaking the fuck out. I got about 12 hours of sleep last night because I slammed 2 beers at like 8pm and then passed the fuck out. I am officially bored and the self-loathing is leaking back in. Where will my new job be? I have applied so many places. I've been on 4 interviews. The temp agency is sending my resume out. NOTHING yet. Also, I finally went home to see my parents and got to hear from my dad how he really feels about the whole situation. Read: pissed.

And he's right. I'm reckless. I have financial responsibilities that will not take care of themselves. I can't fuck around in some part time position like I wish I could. I need full time, with benefits. End of story. Talk about pressure from the family. It could've led to a fight but I'm slowly learning to not give in to him. I did cry though.

Also, last time I blogged was on Halloween and I mentioned a fight with C. and how we're not going to be friends anymore. Well sure enough, we hooked up that night. I slept there. The next morning we kissed and hugged and cuddled in his bed until I hightailed it out of there, petrified and confused.

I am still confused. We even hung out briefly on monday, just had a cup of tea at his place and took a walk. I haven't heard from him since. So it's like...ok. Who the FUCK KNOWS. I need to JUST FOCUS on me.

So that's what I'm doing. I am groggy from sleeping so much so I chugged 2 cups of coffee. I have no clue what to do with this day. I think I'll take another walk. I walked a little over 3 miles last night. It felt good and I need to keep it up because I am FAT as FUCK.

I am disgusting. I hate my fat stomach. I need to RESTRICT my intake, and EXERCISE every day so I can stop being so goddamn FAT.

Lord help me!

xo
Sar