January

2014 is off to an interesting start. I haven't worked yet. Was called off my job yesterday and we got a snow day at the school. Supposed to go into the restaurant tonight, which will be the first time I leave this place in days.

New Year's Eve was a pretty good night. We were surprisingly slow at work so I didn't make a ton of money. Got back to my place around 1 AM and texted some friends to come over. Ended up having some drinks and smoke with a cool crew. It was a better night than I had hoped for. And I didn't have to be out at the bars so that is always a plus!

Been texting with M. again, ever since last week's show/fiasco. I didn't really blog about it, but basically he was one of the guys I was hanging with, the one who said I play games. We have somehow cleared the air. We have been exchanging some really honest messages and I feel confident that we will, at the very least, be friends. I'm glad about that.

Haven't heard from B. in days, but I don't really care. It's hard dating two guys at once. I think every girl should try it, but it's not for me. It's too confusing. Plus I have the tendency to feel guilty about everything. So maybe if I do it again I'll be completely honest with everyone involved.

My hands and lips are so dry. Water and lotion doesn't cut it in this awfully cold weather with the heat cranked. My hair is getting too long. I haven't had it cut in months. Haircuts cost money, so does dye. Maybe with my taxes I'll splurge on a salon day.

Well I suppose it's time to be truthful, it's time to write about what I need to write about, even if there is disapproval and judgement. I have been binging this new year away. I have gone through two bags of corn chips and two jars of salsa. I've ate chocolate and cheese. I've had some beer. I feel fat to start the new year off but telling myself it's ok, it's fine, I can get control again.

Starting today. It's 2:30PM and no food yet. I'm drinking coffee and planning to fast the rest of the day, followed by restriction for the rest of the weekend. I need this. I feel better when I'm empty. I've also been somewhat constipated which, as we all know, does not help anyone feel thin!

I'm going to chalk the binge up to: generalized anxiety about life, frigid weather making me want to hibernate, and being off work. I give myself permission to start over this weekend (now that the junk food is out of the house). Also, after paying rent I'll be broke again so ALL extra money will go towards bills and not disgusting food.

It's all uphill from here. I can do this. Have a great weekend, and happy 2014!

XO
~S