Tomorrow is my birthday. Not surprisingly, I am depressed.
Things with D. have been going so well. I am currently telling him I don't want to see him tomorrow and he is understandably confused.
It's times like this, when I've sunk down so low, that I really and truly despise myself. I give in to this shit and feel unable to shove my way out.
I was scheduled for therapy this morning, my usual Wednesday. Guess what I did...completely blew it off. Didn't call, didn't show. I've been kicking myself all day. I feel so guilty. In my mind is a major red flag. I wouldn't go discuss some of the feelings I've had lately. I refused. This is not good.
The truth is that she's getting too close. I am amazed by my subconscious and how it works. I am trying to push her away. It is hurting me to do this. My therapist didn't do anything wrong but I punished her.
I feel psychotic.
2 comments:
Birthdays can be hard. Mine is tomorrow (Friday.) You should explain to your therapist at least why you didn't go see her. But I have no room to talk. I haven't seen mine since May. Stay strong hunny. Happy Birthday.
XOXO
Happy Birthday lady!! It's so crazy how when you are depressed the days that are supposed to be happy make you just want to be sad. Try to be happy. You have a man this year. That's always fun and if you want things to work you have to let him in! : )
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