Currently listening to the Nutcracker. Drinking black coffee. Smokin' up. Down another pound.
Work has been awful. I'm "not where I should be at 6 months" according to my boss. Cue huge blow to my self esteem. HUGE because I take everything personally. I have to. That's how I roll. And the worst part is that he's right. But I am not the only one to blame. My trainer has been such a slacker. Everyone in my department is, really. I feel like I have no friends there. I feel like a stupid idiot. I feel like escaping, quitting, bouncing out, leaving them high and dry.
I can't remember a worse work week. I have no choices here unfortunately. I can't quit. I can't take a sick day. I need the money so I need this job. I'm going to get serious about looking for another in the new year. Until then I must stick it out.
This time of year is complex. The kid part of me is excited to get presents. I enjoy the holiday lights and our festive Christmas tree. The adult part of me is bummed because the magic is gone. Expectations are diminished. I'm broke, working a shitty job and driving a shitty car.
For God's sake! Why can't I just look on the bright side?
Time to get ready for work. 2 more shifts until the weekend. Hoping today goes a little better.
\Think thin and Stay strong/