Why is being thin the only thing that matters?
My hip bones are poking out and my stomach is empty and my head is spinning and I am falling falling falling down the rabbit hole, like Marya warned, and I'm scared.
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
So so true that is.
I have been *successfully* restricting the past few days. On thanksgiving I piled little spoonfuls of all the side dishes on my plate and sampled them. I was so "full" I couldn't finish. I left all the food on my plate, I looked around our table of nine, and saw clear dishes. I had no dessert; I took a nap. I was the odd one out, the strong one, the vegetarian, the disciplined little brat who made everyone uncomfortable with her jutting collarbones and sallow complexion.
The best part of the week was Wednesday, the night before thanksgiving. I went out with my best friend and we got smashed. We ended up getting a ride back to her house with these guys (we knew them) and getting crazy in her living room, while her mom slept upstairs. No sex, just lots of making out..
I was hooking up with J. but he APPARENTLY has a girlfriend, who's going to school in Vermont. I stalked her on facebook and of course she's gorgeous, thin, and there were tons of pictures of the two of them. APPARENTLY they are not in love, though. Whatever, not my problem. Him and I have just been texting non stop and he's called me twice. I might see him tonight.
Oh god and I'm getting sick. My whole head hurts. My throat feels sore. My stomach feels funny. But I WILL BE THIN!
Because being thin is all that matters....