Another day, another death to find out about. The more people you know, the more loss you'll feel, the more sorrow. Another wake on Thursday and I need to be there, and my brother, and my friends...to celebrate the life of someone who commit suicide.
I say on here a lot of things. I say I hate life. I say I wish I was dead. I am reckless with drinking and drugs and driving. Sometimes I want to hurt myself or someone else.
But when it comes down to it...when shit really hits the fan, I know that I could never do it. I wouldn't want to. I fear death.
Rest in Peace Marty. What the fuck (as my eyes tear up again). WHY? A gunshot to the face at a party in front of people? I am mad and sad and horrified. I ache, especially for those closest to him.
I binged on Sunday. I ate 2500 calories, haven't done that in ages. I've been averaging like 800 a day. But I woke yesterday in self destruct mode. I felt like crap, physically and mentally about it. Today was a fresh start though. I've ate healthily. No ice cream. No pizza. Yes, on Sunday I had both.
Don't get it twisted, I am determined to finish what I started here. I am going to continue to lose weight. I am going to continue working out, burning those calories at the gym and in the bedroom. ;-)
Tomorrow I am going to look at an apartment in the city (!). J. is coming with. Hope I like it. Because I want out.
Think thin loves.