Tomorrow is my birthday. Not surprisingly, I am depressed.
Things with D. have been going so well. I am currently telling him I don't want to see him tomorrow and he is understandably confused.
It's times like this, when I've sunk down so low, that I really and truly despise myself. I give in to this shit and feel unable to shove my way out.
I was scheduled for therapy this morning, my usual Wednesday. Guess what I did...completely blew it off. Didn't call, didn't show. I've been kicking myself all day. I feel so guilty. In my mind is a major red flag. I wouldn't go discuss some of the feelings I've had lately. I refused. This is not good.
The truth is that she's getting too close. I am amazed by my subconscious and how it works. I am trying to push her away. It is hurting me to do this. My therapist didn't do anything wrong but I punished her.
I feel psychotic.