I just ate soo many chips. I feel sick. What is wrong with me? Oh yeah...disordered eater REPRESENT! It's not funny, it's serious, Sar. God, you're sick. When I say "so many" I mean about 1000 calories worth. I want to puke but I won't. Puking is weak. I'M the one that binged, therefore I SUFFER!!!!!!!!
I was feeling so pretty and thin last weekend, I even had sex, finally. I broke my year-long dry spell. I fucked my best friend's brother. I used to have the biggest crush on him when we were all younger and so much more innocent. He is THIN but SO BUILT. He's in the army. He's super hot and was able to pleasure me. We were going strong for about an hour. I woke up in his bed, naked. My hands cupped my hip bones. I got up when he went to the bathroom and stared at my reflection in his mirror. I liked what I saw.
That was then, this is now. And I'm FAT!!!!!
I just don't understand/I just don't get it/why does food have power over me/why am I so dumb?
I still am not working (surprised?). I read last night that the average time spent unemployed in America is now 21 weeks...aka over 5 months...
I'm not going to go crazy
I'm not going to lose it
I'm not going to go crazy
I'm not going to lose it
I'm not
I'm not
I'm not crazy...
Yes I am.
Crazy for thin bodies.
I need to get my GAME FACE on. I need to hop on the treadmill and work the fuck out to BURN THESE STUPID FUCKING CALORIES! Problem is, I'm too shy to work out when people are in the house, so I'm waiting for my younger brother to go to work. I feel like everyone is on to me. I'm so fucking paranoid.
Think thin*
Please let me not be fat like her:
Yes, she's pretty and everything. Cute shoes.
I'm just saying that I don't look like that (yet).
I'd PREFER this:
Xo ~ Sar
P.S. Stay strong today and everyday, think thin ALWAYS, and please remember: nothing tastes as good as *thin* feels :)
