Rilke.

My obsession with food has caught on; my brother is "eating healthy" and making smoothies. My aunt brought over brownies made with pumpkin, exclaiming, "they're fat and calorie free!" (which they are not) and I ate two helpings of salad at dinner. I do love salad.

I also love looking at my bones. Just now I glanced at my right wrist. I see bones and shapely fingers. I am so hot for bones. Bones, bones, please show show.

I'm quite baked after two joints with my brother. Ah, to be home and high. I raided the jelly beans like a bad girl. Gosh darn jelly beans and their red #40 and sulfuric acid and fattening tendencies!! DAMN THEE!!!!

I am doing laundry as we speak. Ha, as I sit here, neck strained because my laptop is perched on my bed with me crossed-legged in front of it; slow typing and slow reaction time, classical music afloat thanks to my friend Ipod.

Stupid T. He texts me things still. hgsihged

I get so arous--I mean I hate him still.
I am overly sensitive concerning him. A coworker mentioned him yesterday and I snapped at her. I hate myself for explaining to her my position. I hate myself for getting excited that some song "makes him think of me". Of course I myspaced the song. It's an amazing, seemingly flattering, song about a girl.. Godamn.
Check it out, Joshua Panda "Taiger Lilly Pt.1"

It's a great fucking song and I don't know why he is torturing me. I told him I was leaving town. Why? Because I wanted him to ask me to hang out. Why? I guess it's because I still...well nothing. But I wouldn't mind getting laid.

On that note, my hunched back is asking me for relief, and I must oblige.

Love to you, and Peace to you.

Think thin!!!!!

She is incredible! ^ Totally thinspiring to me, I'll be checking back here. Is it weird that I reread my own writing? (whatta freakin' narcissist)..

Remember

Stay skinny and sweet.
Be true to skinniness and skinny will be you.
Skinny always comes first.

Say no to fattening food. (Obviously but it's a good reminder)

and

Dance, run in place, do jumping jacks, daily stretching, yoga, sit ups. push ups, leg lifts.

Clean the whole kitchen before you dare eat. Experiencing the illusion that is hunger? Clean out every garbage can at your place. Wash the floors. Clean your fridge, or microwave, or toaster. Aren't all of those food stains and crumbs gross??
Makes me not want to eat...

Those aren't tips, btw, just life skills.

Be thin.