The longest time

It's snowing again and I'm freezing. Don't you just love those days when you can see your ribs through your back? :)

That paper I was freaking out about last time I posted? Got it back today. 91 :) Alas, I am still feeling hellish, I have another (my last forever) paper due at 1:30 tomorrow afternoon. Fuuuccckkk. I work tonight, and I hope I make it out there -- it's a freakin' blizzard...wish I had a freakin' blizzay. Feel me?

I am so high, I am really happy I did good on that paper. That's what 8 hours of adderall-fueled creativity will get me. I have to do it again tonight after I get out of work. My stomach feels sick just thinking about it. I'm so nervous and in disbelief. Am I really about to finish college? In the next few days? (This is finals week)... I feel sickly bittersweet and shocked and anxious but also excited and contemplative.

Anyone else about to graduate? I'm freaking out man, that's why I'm smoking so much probably. I've been smoking nonstop lately. J. was out of touch all weekend; it drove me nuts. We went from talking everyday and him getting snowed in here and sleeping over last week...to nothing. This isn't the first time, either. He's a scorpio...I don't know if that has anything to do with it or not. I am crazy about him, but I can stay away. He finally texted me yesterday afternoon (first I'd heard from him since Thursday evening) with a simple "Sorry I went skiing all weekend."

Um? Ok?

So I haven't responded, I'm giving him a taste of his own medicine. I will see him at work tonight though...hope it goes good.

It's dumb, but it is what it is. I like him, he likes me, but we won't do a damn thing about it or get serious because we are both in the middle of  important life transitions. At least we are smart enough to realize it. Who knows what will happen down the road, he said something like," fate will tell in due time"... OK hippie, wait, I'm a hippie too...hahah not really -- fuck labels.

Anyway. I have a lot more to do for school before I finish and right now I have about three hours before I have to be at work and what am I doing? Nothing of substance. I am a slacker. I just love waiting to the last possible minute to do ANYTHING I guess. Whatta freak. Actually I lied. I am doing a load of laundry. All laundry will be done after this shyt dries. The dishes are done. I just need to do homework but I don't want to! Please God, give me strength and discipline!!! Thank you!!

Whoa. Hold up. Did she just say a prayer? Why, yes. Yes I did. Because I pray :)

My butt is tingling. What a weird thing to follow up the seriousness with. But really, my butt tingles. THAT's how excited I am to see J. at work. I am so sick with love, if that's what this is. I can't wait to see him. I've missed him. No one else makes me laugh like him. When I first met him I had no idea how deep he was...he's great and I'm ridiculous but he likes something about me. Last week when we got bombarded by snow he drove 20 minutes to me and shoveled me out and then drove me to work and came back after work and slept over and we hung out until the next afternoon and them he called me as soon as we went our separate ways. Omg I miss him, it's been almost a week since I've seen him, five days since we've "talked". It's just been too long.

I've been busy, so has he. Whatever.

I gotta get to my work, thanks for reading.

Think thin everyday!

Xo~Sar