The other

So much to say, no time to write. That's a lie, I have all the time in the world tonight. I'm just...antsy. A LOT has been happening. I really want to smoke but I am officially moved into my parent's house and it's just not possible. They'd freak.

I wonder where I left off with my last post... I've been so busy. I moved home last thursday, went out that night for a much-needed drink after unpacking a shit ton of stuff, and bumped into this guy J. who I hooked up with over Thanksgiving. He's the one with the girlfriend. (NOT the J. I usually talk about - he's out of sight, out of mind). Well it wasn't long before we were flirting and then cuddling on my friend's couch and then we moved upstairs to a spare bedroom and passed out in each other's arms. No sex. No kissing. Just...touch.

:Sigh:

The next day I drove him home; it wasn't awkward. We were extremely hungover but Friday was new years so of course we ended up meeting back up later on. I was excited/terrified to see him again. My friends and I stopped at this party briefly and he was there. He ignored me for a bit but then we started talking. Him and his girl were "text-fighting" for awhile and he was bummed but eventually snapped out of it. We all hopped in my friend's truck and headed downtown for the ball drop. No kiss at midnight for me. We went to the bars around one or two in the morning and drank some more. Then we went back to my friend's house (it was that kind of wild, endless night). We started drinking more and playing music and then J. and I passed out in a bed (actually it was an air mattress, lol).

We woke to screaming. My best friend was getting beat up and yelled at by her asshole ex-boyfriend, who we mistakenly thought could handle hanging out in a group situation with us for new years. This was about 9 or 10 in the morning. J. and I had been sleeping for approximately an hour.

I started freaking out on him (my girl's ex) and kicked him out. We were all shaking and tense. My girl ended up screwing some other guy and J. and I went back in the bedroom and started messing around. It was really nothing serious, just some nudity and touching. No kissing, still. This went on for a couple hours until I told him I needed a nap around 12:30 PM. We basically stayed up allllll night. He left me and went to pass out on the couch. I slept for 3 hours and then woke up and joined him on the couch. We talked a little and then I woke my girl up and I drove them all home.

It was fun.

Just...long-winded. And I haven't heard from J. since. 2 nights together and that's that. I sent him a little, quick email. No response. We don't have each other's phone numbers and we're not friends on facebook. I understand he has a girlfriend. I cannot get attached. I just felt a connection once again with him. We've only  met 3 times, and every.single.time. we've been all over each other. It's like there's magnets in our hearts.

As for eating and thinness...well, I've been trying like hell! I had some binge days early last week before my big move but since I've been home I've been doing really well. I mean, J. saw me (almost) naked and I wasn't really self-conscious. I felt thin. Every day when I wake up I feel for my bones.

I bought Portia De Rossi's memoir and it's really good and thinspiring. I'm about half way through. I feel bad I haven't updated this blog or read any of yours but I've just been busy and nursing hangovers. I need to find a job so that's the next thing for me to do.

I am dying to see/talk to J. It's driving me a little mad, actually. He's gorgeous and strong and funny but he definitely drinks too much and (to state the obvious) he's a cheater. Now, we didn't kiss or have sex or even oral sex, but his girl would not be pleased if she knew that we spent 2 nights together, including new years. Any of you ever been in this situation?? Any advice??

I'm thinking of you all and going to catch up on some blogs right now. I need to kill time before my parents go to bed so I can finally smoke and relax. I'm so addicted..


Think thin!!!!!!!!!

Xo
Sar