Far Out

It's the witching hour and I can't sleep. I am going on a date in the morning with a guy I met my first semester of college. We have always got along well and kept in touch. He (very) recently admitted that he's interested and so tomorrow we are meeting up, and I'm nervous. Cue a smoke session.

Still unemployed, but I've got a lead at my friend's work. It would be full time work. *Fingers Crossed* I've already applied, just waiting for a call.

This guy I'm seeing in the morning is N. He is my ex's friend. I remember fucking my ex on N.'s front porch one drunken night a couple years ago. I remember going to a concert with N. and a friend of mine; I ditched them to mess around with one of the band members. I am thinking of these things and wondering what N. thinks about it all. He clearly doesn't care too much if he wants to take me out. But who knows. I shouldn't worry what he's thinking, what anyone's thinking. But I do.

I've been in therapy for a few weeks. It's not helping much. Yesterday I just cried and fidgeted my fingers and blew my nose like crazy because I've been fighting off a cold. My therapist is kind and smart, but a different ethnicity, and sometimes she is hard to understand. Sometimes I am not sure of her point. I don't say anything, I just nod my head. I have said nothing about my disturbed eating. I am trying to just rid myself of the depression.

I'm sort of freaking out right now. I hope tomorrow goes well but if it doesn't, that's ok too. I can do this. Wish me luck.

I wouldn't mind having a guy friend that could lead to something more. It'd be a nice distraction. Maybe it's the last thing I need. Whatever, I'm doing it.

Think thin!

Xo
Sar

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