Friday

Welcome to the weekend! I'm chillen before work with a coffee and a smoke. It's raining and the sky is gray. The grass is bright green with leaves scattered about. The trees have dark rough trunks and graceful golden red-tipped leaves.

My window is cracked and I can hear the rain. I can also hear Do you miss me Darling? by The Guess Who and the click click sound of my long natural nails tapping away at the keyboard. I just ate two gummy vitamins and the sweetness lingers in my mouth. I keep running my tongue over my teeth trying to make the taste go away. I don't want to taste sweet because then I crave sweet. More. Sweets.

It's sick. I bought a container of candy corn on Tuesday...BIG mistake. Why did I do this? Simple. I like candy corn, for the most part, it was cheap and I'm premenstrual so it happened. Impulse buy. I've been eating it all week. The good news is that it's not gone yet. This has less to do with my restraint and more to do with the amount of candy corn involved.

Ouch, my teeth hurt just thinking about that.

***

Tomorrow is the big date with C. We're both driving quite a distance to meet at the Botanical Gardens (He lives about an hour and a half away). This is an afternoon date but will it lead to anything? An evening beverage? Or will we just go home after? I think this is just another test for us though. I think we both felt this wave of longing for the other person after the last time we hung out because it was just that special. We both want to recreate that feeling. Or maybe that feeling was real and it'll just occur naturally.

I'm scared. I have this sinking suspicion that he is the one. The One. But that doesn't sense, really, because I always think guys are the one. I'm either being super predictable or I'm right! And isn't that the best part...the wondering/uncertainty?

On the other, more devilish hand, I have a crush on this guy J. at work. Yesterday something REALLY embarrassing happened! I was working on a computer with a coworker who has been training me and J. wandered over to watch (since he's fairly new as well). My trainer was asking questions fast, in a quizzical manner, and all I could do was try to appear poised in front of J. But I basically froze and couldn't think of the answer and could feel my face starting to blush. J. noticed and walked away...thankfully. I stumbled over my words, telling my trainer that I don't like being put on the spot. It was awkward.

Of course this happened pretty much as soon as I got there. So for the next four hours I avoided his eyes and kept to myself. Lunch cheered me up after a good conversation with a friend of mine. So it was flirty eye contact for the rest of the night. I don't know why I feel shy around him. Maybe because he's older. Maybe because we're at work. Maybe because my heart desires C. more.

So I'm sure you can relate to my conundrum. Two guys, one Sar!
Do I try to keep things going with C. or just keep it cool with him while enjoying my attraction to J.?

***

Thanks for reading, like always. It does my heart good to know that I'm sharing bits and pieces of my life with YOU!

STAY STRONG! & Skinny.

XO
~Sar~