To sum up life lately: excessive drinking, smoking, eating, starving. Obsession with men tenfold. Car accident/chiropractic care/rental car/paperwork bullshit. I broke my toe one drunken night and have been hobbling around in excruciating pain like a cripple. Work is so busy it's draining my energy and I resent the job the people the Sar. I resent everything. Pity party. Poor me. It is what it is.
Still working on getting internet but I've been so broke nothing seems within reach (however I always find a couple bucks for alcohol, cigarettes, pot, and junk food). I'm still checking in on your blogs but cannot comment from my phone. I'm at my parents currently...dealing with the student loan nightmare/endless collection phone calls. Oh, and my Dad is sick again. My cat has a weird scab on his cheek. My friends are fading away and there is no love interest in sight. I will be ok, right?
How are you? Anyone out there still? Yesterday I bought a XS dress even though I feel huge. Who the fuck even knows anymore. I feel fat but maybe I'm not as fat as I feel it's just a feeling not reality, if so, what is reality? Am I real? Is this real? Are you real, reading this? I'm hot. Time to eat dinner, I'll choke down a baked potato to make my parent's smile during this tough time. I'll choke myself in my dreams tonight to make up for being so weak.
XO
Sar
4 comments:
The statement about the xs dress yet feeling fat makes me understand you hun.
I don't know either most days. The clothes I wear are smaller then all of the women I know yet I still feel like a fat failure. ..
Distorted self image is so messed up.
Im so sorry about your dad, hopefully things get better soon . Same for your kitty.
Stay strong hunn, after the darkness comes light. All should improve soon.
Xoxo.
Sorry things have been all over the place and kinda crappy. If you wear XS you can't be fat. But I know my head is so messed up I feel totally distorted about what I look like too.
So glad you are alive.
I am sorry things are on the shitty side right now. I wish I could be your friend. Wish I could help you out, get you feeling better.
Its hard to say "things will get bettter" because, I know that does not help me feel better when people say that to me.
You should look up JK Rowlings commencement speech she gave to Harvard a while back. It is very inspiring to me when we are facing obstacles.
xoxo
I'm still here!
Yes, I wear some XS stuff, and I can't for the life of me wrap my head around how that is even possible. What do the skinny people wear then? They're screwed.
Hope things look up for you soon. You'll get past this rough bit, and into a whole new set of challenges. Or should we say, adventures?
Much loves. <3
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