well hello

well hello

Sunday, March 22, 2009

A Freewrite.

Before I begin I think I am going to note that I will not be grammatical in the following sentences.

so here i am two days away two days before two days and i have to turn into two pieces of crap; hopefully it wont be crap but i am going to make attempts today to just finish them just get something on paper. i will be lucky if he even accepts it, considering i didnt warn him that i was turning it in after break. so enough soup soon soft thay are full of mice ghetto fun fry full of it yo young yoyo turd tv ty mono simpatica leaches dishes reaches fishes smeeches smiles smizz smoking a blunt every day all day and then turning around and tossing back two shots then another and finally one more and call it a day. i am here i am there i am hopeless i am scared i am not one i am not two i am not me i am not you i am not her i am not him i am not sarah i am not going to win. i drink starbucks to spark a light inside of my head too bad all it does is pushes the toilet handle on my insides and they spew out when they are ready and i am ready and i am ready and i am here not theyre stupid i am not i am smarter then then he said i am intelligent and then he fucked me what does that mean? he said a lot i said even more i was silly goofy dorky and just plain weird appartently everyone thinks i am weird but that is ok they could all say i am stupid or boring or plain jane or even slutty easy sleeps around but as far as i know they dont say that yet. yet. i fucked him. who else can i get. not him. i deleted his number i deleted eveything from my phone and it felt good. if he wants to talk he can call me in the mean time all i can do is stalk him on facebook but i am not going to do that either that is wrong/creepy and i dont want them all to say what i creep i became, even this blog this blog is creepy and depressing and dark and colorful and uneven and thoughtful and thoughtless most of the time and now it is one thirteen pm and all i have done is made my bed, sipped some chai latte with expresso and scarfed down reduced fat coffee cake which was delicious and a 60 cal pack of yogurt if i dont eat for the rest of the day i will be good except knowing me and my fat ass i will be snacking well not of i tell myself not too...DONT EAT YOU FAT FUCK. dont eat dont eat dont eat this is a free write and my brain is freely allowing me to starve for the rest of the day i want to i want to i want to just be so thin so light so tiny and skinny i want to never feel awkward around my own body again because i do all the time i sit there and look at my thighs and my huge ballooning stomach and feel pained, and feel shamed, and tuck, and fidgit, and try to appear smaller which is an impossibilty because i am so tall.

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