well hello

well hello

Monday, January 14, 2013

I will survive

These tears keep trailing down my cheeks like Lewis and Clark blazing through overgrown meadows and rocky precipices all those years ago.

I have been an emotional wreck for days. This house is GODDAMN TOXIC.

I know what I have to do but I'm scared and lack patience. I need to collect some more paychecks and Move.The.Fuck.Out.

I literally cannot wait until my therapist appointment this week. I called him at 7:55AM, begging to be squeezed in sooner. I am going Thursday, I need to vent about my Mother. Fucking cunt.

I don't like this! I don't like hating her! But her behavior the past couple weeks has been UNACCEPTABLE! She is acting SO distant, completely unsupportive and uninterested in me and my life and my new job. She is spacing out and it's not like her, and yet she's fine around my dad and brother? Which (naturally) leads me to believe it's ME. Which leads me to believe that this subtle emotional manipulation has been happening my entire LIFE.

I am freaking out and angry, torn and crying...racing heart, tense shoulders, pain behind my eyes...it's heartbreak. Pure and simple. My dad, OF ALL PEOPLE, has seemed nice and angelic in comparison...which is UNREAL.

The only answer is to start packing my shit up in boxes. The only answer is to find an apartment and move the hell out, no matter how much I struggle, no matter how broke I am.

I don't need to eat. I don't need cable. I can survive.

**Ok too weird, "Survivor" just came on Pandora.**

Coincidence? I think not.

Look, all I want is for her to apologize and start acting normal again! Is that too much? Am I fucking delusional?

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