Good morning. Today is my first day of work. I am nervous and excited. I also feel enormous. I hate being so fat. I hate how soft my body is. I hate how out of shape and gross I am. I was looking in the mirror and almost puked at the sight of my fat stomach, fat arms, fat thighs, and fat ass. I'm fat. I just had to get these thoughts out. I need to get serious about working out. Time is not on my side anymore. Nobody told me that your late twenties are filled with fat days.
I reinstalled Lose It on my cell phone and I've been tracking my intake. I've been taking long walks. It's not enough. It's NEVER ENOUGH. I just want a slim, smooth body. No lumps or bumps under my clothes. I want to see more bones. I need to lose weight. I am grotesque.
Not sure why I woke up feeling especially huge. OK, I know exactly why. Yesterday I did not eat very healthy. And I slept like shit last night. Combined with getting dressed in "business casual" for the first time in a month and I am so ashamed to say that my size four black pants are tight. They fit but they're too tight. I have gained. I am so upset about this. So I sit here currently, wearing my size six black pants, feeling like a failure. A fat failure on her first day.
It's time to buy a scale and get with the program. What is happening to me? I'm sick of camouflaging my body, strategically wearing clothes to cover my blubber. God help me.
I'm off, peace.