Last post of the year. I'm feeling slightly better than yesterday. Still reflective as hell though. I have to be at work in two hours. Yes, I am stuck working New Year's Eve until 2AM. That's the biz, kid. It's interesting that I'll be making money instead of being out spending it. I have fears, of course. You know me. Always scared. My fear is that I will "mess up". Ohh boy. That'll be the end of the world, huh?
I kind of binged last night on m&ms. Feeling bad about it but refuse to give in. It happened, it's over. I'll be running around like crazy tonight so I won't be eating. Just had a salad and chugging coffee. I debated buying a mini bottle and keeping it in my apron but pretty sure that's a terrible idea. It's the idea of an alcoholic! I can wait to drink until I'm out. Unless my boss offers me champagne of something (VERY doubtful) which I would def take.
Well. I slept in today. Forgot I was out of creamer so I ran to the store. The countdown to the craziness is officially on. I haven't even showered yet. I honestly do not know what to expect tonight but if I can be truthful, it's kinda nice not to have to make plans and get people together and wonder about a kiss.
Although...one of the guys I've been talking to just texted me saying, "you should stop by for a pre new years kiss before work". But I told him no. No time. It's flying by.
Alright guys.....thanks so much for following my blog and reading and commenting. I really appreciate it! I know I can be a huge downer but I've got faith and hope in the future! I'm going to be just fine. So are you.
And yes I know I blog about Ednos. Staying thin. Weight. Binges. Purging. Drugs. I know these topics are not comfortable or polite, but they are such a part of my life, and maybe yours. I will defend staying thin until I die because I truly believe it's important to be in shape. It's more healthy.
I realize the boundaries are blurred and the tactics are impure at times. Society is struggling, women and girls everywhere identify with this plight. So it's hard, as a "writer", to know how much to confess, because I don't want to hurt anyone. But sometimes I do want to hurt myself.
It's mental. This is not so much an apology - more like a foot note. I think you understand, though. I love you for it.
Much peace. Have a great and safe New Year. I'll be downtown slinging drinks...but who knows how this night will end up. If you've been reading for awhile you know that my NYE normally tends towards the dramatic. Fingers crossed for much money and good moods all around.