Hyped up on coffee and excitement for the weekend

What a week. After a breakthrough meeting with my therapist on Wednesday, I decided to call in to work and take a spur of the moment trip to College Town. My intention was to get closure. I ended up having a really nice day though. A "mental-health day" if you will. I returned to work yesterday and today is Friday and tomorrow is my friend's wedding.

Phew.

As I'm sure some of you might have guessed, I'm having second thoughts about my plan that I wrote about previously. I am not sure Nursing is for me. If my only reason for going into it is for money then what kind of person does that make me? An uncaring, cold, bitch who doesn't care about the patients. No thanks. I'm trying to be a nicer, warmer, kinder, friend to people.

So now I'm thinking Graduate School for School Counseling. There is a program at a local, private college that is within reasonable driving distance and it seems like I could get into it. The prerequisites are accomplished; I have the B.A. in English, I have the desire to help people. Working with kids would be great. It's like going back to my roots, my very first year of college (6, almost 7, years ago, omg I'm old) was under the childhood education major. I switched because I was young and scared. I'm still scared, but I'm not young and naive. I have taken some time to figure out the way I work best and what my interests are. I think this might be it.

Spring of 2012 is when I will attempt to start. I will be getting some information in the mail soon. This could be right. I'm just trying to do the RIGHT freaking THING.

For ME and only me.

I just a took a quick break from blogging and lifted weights. That was random. Or did I mention that I'm smoking?

Before work, yes I know. I'm bad. I'm naughty. I'm a rebel.

I wouldn't have it any other way.
Think thin.

OH. The wedding tomorrow. Yeah, I'll take a  minute here to discuss that. It's a decently good friend of mine, her wedding party includes my best friend and two other close friends. Not me, though. Nope, no bridesmaid dress for Sar. For awhile I was hurt and worried I'd be cast off, out of the group and out into sea, like it matters, I've always been a loner. But my feelings changed and I realized that all I need to do is continue being MYSELF, the Sar that some people know and "love".

So a few months ago I bought a dress down in Atlanta and my mom is going to pin it so it's slightly more tapered around the waist (gotta look good if I'm going stag). I might get new shoes, might not. I'll paint my nails black, all of them. No, that's not weird!!! The black of my nails will balance out the white dress "purity" of the day. It will look awesome. My dress is a shimmery goldish lavender so the black will look nice against it.

I'm a little excited but sad at the same time. No more single K. (friend that's getting hitched). We are all growing up. It's scary. I'm definitely happy for her and her fiance. They are great together.

Maybe someday I'll be planning my wedding.

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<3
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A girl can dream, can't she?

New plan

I ate like shit this weekend. Today I woke up hungry, which angered me. How dare I feel hungry when just last night I ate so many goldfish crackers and 2 reese cups and cookies and licorice? Thankfully I did not give in, I did not eat. I am bloated now, due to last night and the fact that I'm retaining water because of my oncoming period. These are fun times, my friends.

However! There is a bright side. I have designed a new plan for myself. My student loan debt is out of control so I've been brainstorming ideas like crazy. I could die or try to pretend I lost a spouse in 9/11 or I could go back to school. I'm obviously choosing the school option because I like to learn and I don't feel like doing anything rash or illegal.

So here's what I am going to do: take 2 classes this Fall (part time status), 2 classes in the Spring, and (hopefully) get into the Fall 2012 Nursing program!! All at my local community college! The classes will be reasonably priced so I will pay for them with cash and my credit card, no more loans until next year when I enter the new degree program. I won't be adding to my debt just yet, but I won't be paying on it either. Sounds like a win-win situation!

I can quit my terrible full time soul sucking job and waitress part time somewhere, ALSO, I can defer all of my student loans! Ahh, my breaths are coming easier now.

So that's my plan, and I'm sticking to it. Tomorrow I will get up early and head over to the college to talk to someone from admissions.

I need this, you guys. I need to better myself. Also, RN's make decent money. Assuming I get into the program and can find a good job after, I will have no problem eventually making large payments on the $70K I owe to the government. I have been considering the nursing thing for a few weeks now, and it just hit me today that I could jump back into school part time this Fall and defer my loan payments. I've never gone part time so I think it will be good for me. I will have less classes and more time to prepare for them. I just know I will succeed.

I plan to take a (desperately needed) math class and some sort of english class. I will be able to use the gym and pool. I will (hopefully) meet some new friends, I'm getting so sick of my old ones.

Time to shower and head to work. The knowledge of my decision will propel me through this day. I can do this, I can stick this out. I can get through this day with a smile on my face and an excited butterfly in my stomach, a secret desire in my heart.

Think thin! I'm (obviously) restricting hardcore today due to yesterday's madness. So far I've had a few fresh cherries and 2 cups of black coffee, also some water. I probably won't eat before work and I'll have a small salad and some more fruit on my lunch break. Love to you all.

XO
Sar

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Thin is in.