Disgust.

Yesterday was no good. I had been planning all week to attend an outdoor concert. I was really looking forward to going, dancing, lots of walking. I came home from work yesterday and chilled for awhile. I was about to walk downstairs to throw away some garbage, and realized my key would not lock my door. Call me paranoid, whatever, I lock my door all the time when I leave, even if it's only for a minute. I stood there stupidly fumbling with my key, while my neighbors observed the entire thing, and gave up and went inside and called my landlord. He informed me it could be fixed Monday. (Yesterday was Friday!) I was like, no way, I have plans tonight, call a locksmith NOW. So he did, and called me back, and told me a locksmith would come the next day (today). I screamed with frustration! I talked to my friend I was supposed to go to the concert with, and she was pissy and bitchy. She came over to look at it and we plotted. I eventually gave up. I told her to just go and have a good time, that I didn't feel comfortable leaving my place unlocked. Now it's not like I have anything valuable.. but my mindset is anxious enough.

So I fell asleep, and when I woke I ordered a small (8 slice) pizza with mushrooms, black olives, and green peppers on it. I ATE 6 SLICES LAST NIGHT. I was soo disgusted with myself I vowed to throw away the remaining two slices. Well what did I do? I slept all day today, then ate oatmeal, a mandarin orange cup, and the last two slices....fuck. my. life.

I am a fat pig. My stomach hurts BAD. Plus I have cramps..ugh.. so mad. so mad. and STILL MY LOCK IS BROKEN!! I am just waiting for this dude to get here, I haven't even showered yet..I am so pathetic sometimes. I am so mad at myself. Ok, yes, it was delicious! But when I ordered it last night I was not even hungry, starving, just bored. and mad.

and I can't even type this, my fingers are shaking and I am about to jump out my freakin window..