No sleep & I'm hyped.

Hello there Mr. Blog.

I have addictions. Cigarettes, marijuana and caffeine are my daily vices. Starving* is another.

*or should I say, trying to starve..I seem to give in from time to time.

Tuesday: 2 bananas, 1 frozen applesauce cup (delicious!!!), 2 cappuccinos, 1 dove chocolate pb bar (180 cal), 1 package of swedish fish (150 cal). The candy was a terrible idea, my teeth felt so rotten. But my overall intake was still low. Low calories intake numbers make me feel happy and light and strong-willed.
Wednesday: 1 power bar (240 cal), split fries with my friend at amusement park (350 cal? I did use ketchup), 2 beers, 1 glass of wine. That's it !! Admittedly, it is a lot of empty calories...beer is fattening and wine makes me feel bloated. But I was awake early yesterday, and stayed up all day and night. Seriously, it is 9:30 am and I haven't gone to sleep yet. I will soon though, too bad it's gorgeous outside and I would love to be out there, full of energy, playing frisbee or something. Just kidding, me? sports?

My weight has stayed steady at 135 these past couple of day. I need to get it down, I am so disgusted with my fat stomach, hips, and thighs. They need to reduce! I am pleased with my arms & legs (most of the time) and my neck, hands, and back aren't awful. But my midsection, fuck. Oh sure, "I have a womanely body" .. umm don't want it. Not sure about kids someday so no need for these "child-rearing hips". Gag me with a stick, man.

I apologize, my brain is not working. I can't think, my mind is black and blank. I suppose sleep and a hearty breakfast would fix that..NOT. No breakfast. Wow. I am so pathetic, I only just remembered something bad. On the way home from R. (city 2 hours away), I pulled into a rest stop and got a fruit explosion muffin from Tim Hortons and a black coffee. I ate the whole muffin, this was a couple hours ago now, but let me tell you. It was a tasty treat, and I still feel skinny. As soon as I got home, like always, I stripped naked and examined my body from the front and sides. Looking better, but not quite. Yesterday I saw so many gorgeous, thin, tiny girls. Like I was basically staring at this younger chick's jeans thinking to myself, "My arms could wear those, not my legs though, with these thunder thighs".

I need and want to post pictures soon (with my face left out). If I did, would it be possible to get real, objective feedback??