Get real

I've been on a depressive low. Had an interview yesterday set up through the temp agency which I bombed. My facial skin is still itching like crazy. Not sure if it's nerves or something more. Too scared to find out for certain. I didn't eat at all yesterday and then went out drinking. I ordered two vodka shots right off the bat and a beer. Downed it all asap. Ordered another beer. It was a nice buzz. But then I came home and ate.

I had a salad (90), french fries (500), a granola bar (180), fruit snacks (70), chips (200) and dip (150). Like a fat ass.

Which brings me to today. It's early, I'm pmsing, and I need to get to work. Still only working part time and money worries loom over me and weigh upon my neck. I'm drinking my coffee black again to save calories and money on cream. I feel so fat you guys but I just can't tell if I am or not. It SUCKs.

I know realistically that this is the most I've ever weighed. I can wear all of my size 6 jeans but I'd prefer them to be looser. The best part of this time of year is skirts and dresses, which make me feel pretty (usually). I haven't been exercising much. The poor person diet shall suffice for now.

I go back and forth with wanting to buy a scale constantly. I just can't do that to myself though. It's unnecessary torture.

No action lately, not since M. tried to kiss me two weeks ago or so. Haven't heard from him since.

Every time C. and I talk we fight so we decided yesterday we are no longer friends. He cried. I thought about death.

My other neighbor Jake has been coming around a lot. He's younger but he's alright. Who knows.

Other than that, I'm as single as ever. Which is fine actually. There's a lot of eye candy out there and I cannot be tied down. I don't want to be tied down.

I guess that's enough for today. Peace.

--Sarah