well hello

well hello

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Angry

My Dad woke me up at 10 this morning by screaming through my door, which led to a huge fight, which led to me crying bitterly by myself and thinking evil thoughts like, "I should have pushed him down the stairs."

It's been over an hour. I've calmed down. I'm so fucking hungry but I don't want to eat. I want to hurt myself for being such a little bitch. I fucking hate my life sometimes, today is one of those times.

My friend and I were supposed to meet up for a walk before she goes into work. Well the time we were supposed to meet has come and passed, and she's not answering her phone. Dumb cunt. Just joking, kinda, I do love her. This kind of stuff drives me mad though. I want to WALK dammit. I want to EXERCISE and all she wants to do is sleep? No wonder she wears a bigger size than me.

Ok, she just texted me, "I have stuff to do maybe today isn't a good day for a walk." Umm whatever. Should have said that last night when we planned this.

God, this day is already ruined. I'm so fucking pissed I want to shred my skin with a cheese grater. I want to leap off my roof and fall face-first, breaking my skull. I want to scream so loud and so hard that someone calls the police because they think I'm being murdered.

***

Yesterday's date went...ok. We had a nice talk but it was short and sweet. We were together maybe 40 minutes. I really haven't heard from him since. So I'm guessing I screwed that up somehow too.

I mess everything up.

Think thin.

Being thin is all I have right now, and I'm barely thin, so I guess I don't have much.

-Sar

2 comments:

displayed said...

Oh wowza.... sorry your dad caused the snowball of doom to form. Dad's are oblivious. And I'm sure your date went fine, maybe he doesn't want to seem needy or clingy because it turns the ladies off so he's giving it a while? Who knows, that part is out of your control.

I would say that as long as you just think of nasty self harm then you'll be ok if you don't act on it. But it occured to me that maybe normal people don't even contemplate such measures. You're not alone though. I have realistic visions of a blade slicing down the left side of my back... don't know why other than I'm fucking crazy haha.

Be well miss.

Fed Up said...

Bad days suck! Hang in there. At the moment it's awful. I've been having a rough time myself. But it will pass.