Friday, November 4, 2011
Who else [admits to] eating in parking lots?
Hi all. It's Friday! "A day like any other". I'm feeling good, mostly because yesterday I called in sick and declared it a "mental health day". Phuck yeah! I hung out, and drank tea, and took a nap. Then I wandered the mall. Didn't have much luck. My one and only purchase? Cute pink and black pajama pants that were on sale at Old Navy. Clothes just don't fit me right, I'm pretty sure I'm between sizes. Totally annoying place to be.
After the mall I was feeling considerably bad about myself, so I drove to a local grocery store. This was the turning point, the climax. Because I had been so good all week, so restrictive. I was seeing the pounds go down on the scale. I looked thin in clothing store mirrors, which barely happens. I needed a treat.
Would it turn into a binge?
I found a "Boston cream parfait" in the bakery. It was big, and filled with creamy deliciousness, cake pieces, chocolate ganache, whipped cream, even one maraschino cherry. I grabbed a plastic spoon from the cafe, used the self-checkout, and high-tailed it to my car, where I struggled to open the thing. Finally spoon hit dessert and then mouth and then happy joy time took over, a pink glow around me, my aura lit with pleasure, the back of my eyes seeing fireworks, the public parking lot around me was gone - I was alone, free, and easy.
For about 10 seconds.
And then guilt crept over me. Followed by panic, shame, and disgust.
But I kept eating. Eating eating until it was almost gone. I left about 10% in the container and put it in a bag to toss in my back seat, to be thrown away later. Just realized it's still in my car. Gone bad for sure. Probably smelly and stinky. My car needs to be cleaned out.
I'm feeling bad just remembering this, but I forgot that there is a happy ending! I am down a pound today. So I'll chalk last night's binge up as a metabolism boost and get on with my life.
hot tea, water, vitamin
3/4 of a banana
spoonful of peanut butter
whole wheat english muffin
some earth balance butter
I'm going to get ready for work. Have a good day!
By the way, I went on a date last night with J. (friend that confessed his feelings last week). It went really well :) We shall see where this goes. If it goes anywhere.
Think thin, lovelies!
Thanks for your comments on my Halloween costume picture. No one mentioned how fat I am though...