well hello

well hello

Monday, October 31, 2011

Freaky scratched out faces

I know it's risky to show myself, but whatever - life's short. Scroll down to see me in my Halloween costume :)

Jeez Lousie, a LOT can happen in a week! Remember coworker J. who I was crushing on? Turns out he is a drug-addicted dud; I'm hoping he gets canned. Mean, I know. Never said I was nice.

On the happier hand, another J. (good guy friend) dropped the bomb and admitted that he "likes" me. He's older and just bought a house, so I'd be foolish to ignore this. Even though I told him straight up I wasn't looking for a relationship. He took it well and we're playing things by ear and seeing how it goes.

Enough about men, there will ALWAYS be men.

I need to get out of this depressed state. You are surely familiar with the "waves" of depression...I am riding low, real low lately. Smoking weed in the morning and at night, declining invites with people left and right, sabotaging myself by going to chill with an ex-boyfriend, ignoring my desire to organize. I have paperwork piled up on my desk. I have a floor that needs vacuuming. I have at least 2 loads of laundry that need to be done. 

I have plans to make and execute. I have a life that needs to be lived. So where the fuck is my head? There has been a noticeable difference in me since I stopped therapy and I'm ashamed of that. I'm mad that I can't beat this. But really...I'm not even trying. I'm floating. 

Nothing seems right. My life feels like a joke. I feel lost all the time, like seriously confused about who I am and where I'm supposed to be. I'm 25 and beyond unsettled, but I'm watching close friends get married. Have babies. Buy houses and brand new cars and large grills.

What the fuck am I doing?

Drinking coffee and smoking a bowl before work. Yesterday I ate many "fun-size" candy bars...fuck you Halloween!! Wish I was wearing a costume to work, but we're "not allowed".

Think thin - I haven't ate yet today and maybe I won't because I need to punish myself for yesterday's fantastic failure. 

Stay strong.


P.s. Here's me (on the left) and my bff last weekend in our Halloween costumes:

Sorry for the freaky scratched out faces. 

If you happen to recognize me...hello and thanks for reading! 

*Happy Halloween*


Bella said...

... I don't wanna sound like I'm comming on to you, but you're really hot...

Fat Piggy said...

Holy shit you're a sexy biatch! Awesome. And way hotter than your friend! (I was the fat one for a long time so even though this sounds nasty, actually it is meant with love, because being the fat one FUCKING SUCKS!) I also get what you mean about the decline since therapy stops. It also fucking sucks. Go team!

Anonymous said...

Great hair and great boobs! No wonder all the guys are after you. But, they have to want more then that. You are only 25. There is still time to get where you want to be. At 25 my life was a HOT MESS. Not to say it's perfect now but it's waaayy better and closer to where I want to be.