well hello

well hello

Wednesday, January 8, 2014


I feel like such an ass. You know how M. and I have been talking again? Well he came over last night. My area has been getting rocked by the blizzard so everyone has basically been staying in and drinking. Anyway - I was drunk. We were hanging out, smoking, talking, listening to music and just enjoying each other's company in a mellow setting.

The next moment we're kissing and getting naked. He's hard as a rock. I put my hand on him and he says in a soft voice, "you've made my dick hard". I knew what to do. The choice had to be made. I say back, "maybe I should do something about it" or something sexual like that. He sits down on my couch, I get on my knees and suck him off quickly and expertly. His cock is huge.

It was awkward afterward. We're half dressed and he just came. Normally a guy would be like, "my turn". Well my life isn't fucking normal. He didn't say anything, just put his clothes and coat on and started for the goddamn door. No pleasure for me. No offer to go down on me. No "that was the best blow job I've ever had". No text when he got home. And haven't heard from him yet today.

I feel like such a fucking ass. Did he use me?? We were having a good time and this was like the fifth or sixth time we've hung out. I was just "in the moment" you know?? Am I a slut?? For what it's worth, he does seem like a decent guy. I just don't know him well enough.

Feeling so confused today. Trying like hell not to regret. Trying not to send him a text. Thank god I go to work soon. That will get my mind off this mess. Maybe it's not really a mess and I'm totally overreacting. Maybe he feels ashamed. Maybe he feels nothing. Maybe he is done with me. Maybe he is a total player...

...which reminds me. Him and I are facebook friends and he's been on fb all day (per the newsfeed scroll thing on the side). Becoming friends with people. Liking people's stuff. Some fake looking blonde wrote on his wall today, "hello old friend" or some crap like that and HE WROTE HI HOW R YA? BACK.

Fuck! I'm an idiot.

Deep breath. No regrets.

Chalk it up as experience.

This is not the end of the world.

Stop freaking out and get on with your day.

Any comments/ideas/advice GREATLY WELCOMED at this point.


1 comment:

Miranda said...

He sounds really selfish and if he's being that selfish then he is not the one. I haven't been in the dating world much but I would say hold out on sexual favors. If that's all they want they will leave and save you the trouble. If they stay well then maybe you stand a fighting chance. When I was dating I used to think; well if I don't want to have sex how will i ever get anyone to like me. Well, that's not the way. It's natural to crave that intimacy. Nothing wrong with that; but if you are having any doubts whatsoever about a guy it's probably best to wait. My 2 cent. Sorry he was such a jerk to you.