well hello

well hello

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Guess who slept over last night?

So here's how it happened: I worked last night. I was only there for a couple hours but I made decent money and had a customer compliment me. I was feeling good. I hadn't drank all week so I stopped at the store on my way home for some wine. It was on sale, two for $10.

I came home, poured a glass, grabbed my pipe, and slipped into something more comfortable. I sat down at my laptop and proceeded to veg out for a bit. Then I read something about how "all work and no play makes people dull". I don't want to be dull. I decided to liven up my night and text some guys, including M. and my neighbor Jake.

Jake instantly texted me back and invited me over for a drink. His buddy was coming too. At this point I'm two glasses in. I quickly got ready and walked across the street to his house. We ended up listening to music, playing cards and drinking games. It was a mellow mood, nothing crazy, but I had a fun time and got trashed. I finished the entire bottle of chardonnay. The guys were going to go out to the bar and I was not up for it so they walked me home. I looked at my phone. M. had texted me again, we had been texting for a few hours...

So I'm laying on the couch in my apartment at 2AM and we're sending crazy text messages. I'm saying I'm mad at you, swearing (ie. fuck you and go to hell), etc...basic psychotic babble typical from me. I'm wasted, falling asleep with my phone by my ear. 

RING goes the phone and it's M. He's HERE, down in my entranceway. (I give him props for remembering which house is mine, I couldn't pick his out). I run down the stairs in a blur, swing open the door, and there is he, smiling at me.

It was the first time I've seen him since the dick sucking drama. He comes upstairs and we start talking stuff out intensely and honestly because we are both under the influence. I turn on the music. We smoke, drink. Later we're outside smoking a cigarette (probably 4:30AM) and he asks if he can crash on my couch.

What was I going to say, no? Of course not. I said that's fine. ;)

Fast forward 15-20 minutes and he's in my bedroom, on my bed, petting my cat, who is sleeping there. I join them, the cat jumps away. It's just me and M., in my bed. He takes off his shirt and asks me if I'm comfortable. I say not yet and get up to brush my teeth, wash my face, take out my contacts, and change. I put on some soft pj pants and a flimsy cami. No bra. 

We hadn't kissed or anything up until that point. The vibe had been pretty positive with a little sexual tension in the air. Laying next to him felt really good. We started making out. hardcore. It was getting really hot and heavy with our bodies pressed against each other. The blankets fell to the floor in our passion. And there truly was passion...we were really in the moment.

I *knew* that I would not go "all the way"!! I have suffered in the past weeks over getting so intimate with him before being in an exclusive relationship. I knew *for certain* what the boundary was and made it clear to him, which he respected.

We just danced on the edge. And it was truly amazing.

I need to be blunt, because as you know when writing your mind can veer off. I'm there last night right now (in my thoughts). We could've fucked *so* easily and it would have been so good. So good. He was turning me on soo much. I was really into it. We both were.

This hasn't happened in a long time. I haven't been getting much action at all...since my ex and I broke up last April.

Anyway, we didn't have sex or oral sex, just some kissing and touching and I have zero regrets. I feel fine with happened. All I can do is not overthink everything.

This morning was interesting/cute. We only slept for a few hours when he rolled over and asked me what time it was. He had to get up early today because he's helping shoot a music video for a local band.

We cuddled for a couple minutes and actually did the morning breath kiss (which I hate) but I didn't mind. Too much. He got out of bed and started pacing around my apartment, getting tylenol, getting dressed, making phone calls, and then out of the blue he started talking to me. About feelings and shit. I responded in my somewhat sober tough as nails but detached way. I am not sure what we concluded, if anything.

Then he was gone and I was alone, so unbelievably hungover (bottle of wine and barely anything to eat - amateur mistake). After puking my guts out, I went back to sleep.

The only other person who slept in my bed here in this apartment was my ex.
My head is still pounding. Need to shower and get out to the store. There is literally no food here. 

I will buy fruit, soup, peanut butter, raisins, mixed nuts, salad, frozen vegetables, probably some sliced cheese and maybe chocolate. Pretty normal trip for me. This is what I eat. (I usually have whole grain bread in the house also). Trying to expand my horizons with food. I never cook. I want to be more feminine and embrace cooking. I felt bad that I couldn't even make him something to eat this morning.

Oh my god. M. slept over and we hooked up. I'm amazed at how things come full circle. I was getting over him! I wasn't stalking his fb page (anymore). I didn't respond when he texted me on Wednesday (forgot to mention that). I now realize that we will most likely cross paths again. I am alright with this new development. This thing between us does not feel finished.

Still busy as hell and just going to focus on me, but I want more of that hot passion. Getting a little action is good. Fingers crossed we pick it up where we left off. Who knows what will happen? Such is life.

Thanks for sticking through to the end, I know this was a long post. I am going to start my day now (my only day off this week). It is evening technically and we got so much more snow but I'm going to make some moves and ensure a good rest of my night. Gotta nurse this hangover still. Back to work in the AM.

Men. Can't live with them. Can't live without them.
Love you so much, readers.
and love...

Edited to say: I never made it to the store.


Fat Piggy said...

I think it's great to have innocent moments with people like this, because it is a way of putting yourself out there without going to the total end, or creating an expectation which will ultimately lead to a loss of respect somewhere along the lines. Who knows what it means, but it sounds like a perfect time capsule memory that is always great to have in the bank for a random thought and recollection of a perfect memory. Xo

Aye Ell said...

I don't know all of the details but I would warn you to tread lightly. Mostly because there is obviously some heavy feelings involved, and you know from past experience he can be kind of a dick (no pun intended) at times. But I hope things really are better now. So have fun, but be careful.

Also, I totally get the cooking thing. It's been one thing I have learned to live with since getting married. I never cooked before I got married, but now I always feel like I should for my husband's sake. I have improved my ability to do it, but I still don't enjoy it. Fortunately, my husband is sensitive to that fact because he doesn't love cooking either, so he's never terribly disappointed if I don't cook.

Miranda said...

I agree!! Enjoy it but don't give anything else up too soon. The thrill of the chase is the fun part-it's the knowing if they want to stick around after that's hard. I'm glad this sort of helped redeem the previous situation for you.