Home. It was a wonderful, beautiful, restorative trip. We saw so much, including the best sunset I've ever witnessed in my life. We observed birds like egrets and sand pipers. There were lizards and a large snake. There was a moment, when I was staring at the ocean, when I was literally moved to tears by nature's miraculousness.
Our trip wasn't perfect of course, nothing in life is perfect. We had moments of tension, ride sharing drivers cancelled on us, we both got a sunburn, there was some disappointing food, there was a night we went to bed without having sex. There is a certain pressure to have a perfect vacation, especially these days with social media. He and I are not active on social media but no one is immune to the kinds of posts we're all bombarded with. Our life is kept in the real. Our trip was what we made of it. There was no sharing online and we kept our phone use to a minimum.
I love the gulf coast of Florida. It is truly special and very different down there! Our hotel was on the water, and seeing those views day in and day out had me so very happy. I adore the water. We went to the beach each day, except for the travel days. The sand was cool and white. The water was mild and clear. We are both petrified of sting rays so we didn't venture too far out into the ocean. We ate outside for each meal. I love eating outside. We slept cuddled up, and had some hot sex. I am very comfortable around him. When we are together, my days have purpose. My time is spent intentionally.
When I am alone, it is a different story. I laze about and languish. I put off meals, or I eat random shit. I put off visiting the store, and have to talk myself into going outside. I smoke weed and scroll endlessly. I binge watch shows. Those are the bad days. Sometimes, I journal, water my plants, play with my cat, read, take walks, clean, organize, practice guitar. Those are the good days. It's always a roll of the dice.
As for today? Well, I'm back "to work". Although it was extremely difficult to focus I got some stuff done but I also did a lot of pacing. Took some extra time in bed past my alarm. Ended early to puff and blog.
Since me and K. are now separated by distance (in our individual apartments) I feel the loss of his presence and yearn to feel him there next to me for my morning coffee, and my evening tea. Like vacay. We were together 24/7 and it was great. I don't know what the future holds as far as joining households but it's far away and neither of us has expressed a rush to get there. He is still remodeling parts of his house and despite how this paragraph started, I love my personal space and independence. It's just that... I'm starting to love being with him more.
Life is weird.
1 comment:
this sounds like exactly the kind of vacay that is wonderful --and it was because you embraced the flow --you enjoyed the experience of the highs and didn't let the not so great parts bring you down --just soaked it in. i go to 30a often in fl..nothing like those sugar sands juxtaposed with blue water. been reading you from the start.
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