Black Velvet

Yesterday I ate three things: yogurt. fruit. 1 slice of bread w/ pb. Then I went to J.'s, feeling wonderfully skinny and it was amazing. We had a really great time. We met at the video place and had many laughs picking one out. I followed him to his parents (uh oh) but luckily they just went away for a week. So it was us and the dog. It's really cool how having a pet in the room breaks the ice a little. We talked and smoked and began the movie. Halfway through we stopped it and went to the liquor store. He bought some whiskey (yes) and we went back to the house to make drinks. We casually sat in the kitchen and sipped on our drinks and flirted, then we went into the basement and played fooseball. I want it clear that I used just a tiny amount of lemonade to mix with my alcoholic beverage. Hardly any calories but I was still worried. Also, what happened to me swearing off alchohol? Jeez Sar.

Anyway. We ended up back on the couch in front of the tv. He put in the other movie and we sat through the whole thing, and finallyy after about ten minutes of another freakin movie we kissed. It was soft ((I just propped my head up on my hand and gazed thoughtfully in this distance)) and sensous until we started making out for real and for awhile. Like 40 minutes of kissing. Maybe 30. Idk. Who cares? It was really nice, and it's been a long time since I kissed someone I actually like. Haha that sounds terrible because over the summer I kissed some dudes. But it was meaningless, it really was. J. is awesome and a great person to talk to. He has a really unique perspective and this adorable way of just being.

Needless to say, last night was a success. There was one awkward moment. After our long make out session I sort of pulled away and said I was leaving. He said, obviously, "Stay." I, drunk on pheromones, insisted, and clumsily walked outside with him behind me, gave him a hug goodbye, and got in my car when I probably shouldn't have. I have a real problem with doing this but let me tell you my reasons for wanting to leave.
(1) I am on birth control, and needed to take it. It was at home, if I stayed I wouldn't be able to take it for hours, and that would mess up my hormones. I need them in top shape, especially if I am getting it on in the near future.
(2) I was beat. I honestly was. It was a long day and I didn't want to feel weird by doing the whole "sleep together but don't sleep together" thing so early in this...relationship or whatever the fuck.
(2) I was hungry. It's true. I was starving and my stomach was grumbling. I didn't want him to offer me any more food (he always tries, and now that I think of it, last night he offered to send me home with some spaghetti squash) and I didn't want him to hear my stomach.

So I drove. I stopped at a all night coffee shop and ordered a sesame bagel with veggie cream cheese [400 cal]. I came home and texted him, he never responded, but he looked tired. I'm hoping he just went to bed after I left. When I got home I ate 1 slice of whole wheat bread with pb [150], 1 toaster strudel (no frosting) [165] , and 2 waffles with real maple syrup [240]. It is after noon now and I've got to go to work. I ate an apple and took some vitamins and aspirin. My freaking ankle is still killing me. But I look thin today. Must have burned a lot of calories making out with J. last night :)

This was a long post, thanks for reading. It's really therapeutic to write about this right now..
I was stressing yesterday until we actually met up. Once we were together I really wasn't nervous. I'll share just one more thing: when we were kissing on the couch he was rubbing his hand on my back. I could feel his hand running over my bones. It was a confidence-boosting feeling. Think thin*

xo~Sar